Episode 14: Date-A-Thon 2020 (Jae & The Seven Suitors)

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Jae 0:00

I pledge myself to the pod loyal I'll always be a P to start to a D at the end and an O sitting in between.

Welcome back to you in Omnia products. I'm Jae like the letter.

Angela 0:18

And I'm Angela, also known as AVO.

Jae 0:20

We are two friends diving into our past and present evaluating if we were ever truly ready for anything, we'll discuss all things from the definition of dating to all the things school didn't prepare us for. Listen, as we talk about career changes, give plenty of unsolicited opinions and work on becoming the people we want to see in the world.

Angela 0:37

Welcome back, everyone. Jae, how are you doing?

Jae 0:40

I apologize that this is a bit fast. This is just the third time today. I've had to record that new intro.

Angela 0:45

And I feel like at this point, we might have to release the audio if it ever gets recovered as like a blooper reel or something. All right. We had some we had some nice little banter going here. But I think at this point, it might be best if we just jump right into the meat of our topic. How

do you feel about that?

Jae 1:00

Let's hear your pitch to be the next dateline host.

Angela 1:04

Okay,

Jae 1:05

so as you can all probably guess from our episode title today, we're talking about dating, which is one of my favorite topics. There are a few things I relish more than discussing this but Jay is actually quite aloof when it comes to the subject. So this is the first time we are really ever discussing Jays dating life in depth. So now as I prepare to live out my Rory Gilmore esque journalistic fantasy, I am presenting a feature exclusive never before reported on story we like to call datathon in October of 2020. j like the letter embarked on a round of serious swiping and her preferred dating app of the moment. After several weeks of carefully nonchalant witticisms, and a modicum of intriguing questions. Jay accepted not one, but seven dates to create her very own courting season to rival that of Marina Thompson. Over the next hour, we will hear tales of a dinner, a brunch, several coffee Hangouts, and many socially distance walks. I'm here to bring you the story behind the outfits, the shoes, reaching for the check masks, personal and COVID-19 safety and the dating pool as it relates to millennial cisgender men. By the end of this episode, we'll see the first date fireworks article or folder. So please sit back and enjoy this episode of dateline J A E.

You really should have been a journalism major.

Angela 2:26

i KNow, . I actually really wanted that at one point in like middle school and high school.

So I really don't know what happened.

Jae 2:34

You realize you don't like speaking in public?

Angela 2:36

Probably that. Although I don't know, it's it's nice when nobody has to look at me like right now. So maybe I was always meant for radio, or podcasting.

Jae 2:46

Yeah. As soon as we take a camera to take a picture, you look at deer in headlights.

Angela 2:50

Oh my god,

I actually just had to take a photo for my work bio. And my mom said the same thing. Like she was laughing so hard. While she was taking my picture. She had to take like 200 of them.

Jae 3:01

Is the photo up?

Angela 3:03

I think so.

Jae 3:04

Nice.

Angela 3:05

I know, we can look at it later and laugh at it. Okay,

so before we really launch into our topic here, I feel like I do need to include a brief disclaimer, as we've been encouraging everyone to really stay at home and avoid unnecessary outings or Hangouts. We would like everyone to know that when this happened last October, California COVID cases were at a very low point. And Jay and her suitors took all the precautions that they could to make sure that they were safe during these dates. We'll get more into it as the questions move on. And we're going to talk about the precautions that Jay took and what dating is like right now with COVID-19. But we just wanted to put that out there upfront.

Jae 3:47

You are not on the website yet.

Angela 3:50

Oh, thank God, maybe there's time for me to retake that picture.

Jae 3:53

You will also be the only non white male on this website.

Angela 3:58

I believe that is true.

I can't say that for certain, but I believe that is true.

Jae 4:03

I mean, unless they're adding any new photos. You're the only non white male

Angela 4:07

Got it?

Jae 4:08

They're trying to hit all the diversity boxes in one go. Oh

Angela 4:10

my gosh, I actually Oh, okay,

so this is actually a question I had for later but maybe we'll just start with this because you've been on dating apps more recently than I have do they now have a multi racial feature?

Jae 4:22

No.

Angela 4:23

Okay

Jae 4:23

, you can pick multiple races out but there's no option for half this half that or to select multiple options

well if you can select other

Angela 4:32

Okay, so so you you couldn't choose like Jewish and Chinese

Jae 4:37

I could select both, but it doesn't mean the person is both it's the person is either or. But goodness. If someone comes up with an app for like mixed race people I will join cuz I think mixed race people are very attractive. I think mixed race either goes very, very well and I think most cases does, or really poorly but I think it's a much lower chance But I think mix people are the prettiest because then they get leechers from both sides. My cousins cousins on the other side of the family are half Japanese half Mexican, and they get they tan their Latin side, but they have like beautiful, thick, dark, traditional Asian hair. Their eyes are not super round, but not super almond either. So I think mixed race people are the

best.

Angela 5:21

Okay. Yeah. Like, some of my cousin's like, fit that description as well. And it's just it's it's so interesting. Like when you just look at your family and how different things play out like yesterday, I was looking at my parents. I'm like, whose nose do I have here?

Jae 5:36

Mm hmm.

Angela 5:36

Spoiler, I think we settled on my dad's nose because it looked my nose looks similar to my mom's but it looks more like his.

Jae 5:43

It's the size of your mom's with the looks of your dad's. Yes.

Angela 5:47

Good job.

Jae 5:48

You're welcome. Okay,

Angela 5:49

but nope. So like, there's

no option for you to choose like that you are multi racial.

Jae 5:55

Correct.

Angela 5:55

Currently within dating apps, that's where I think the other choice comes in. Well, that's lame. I don't like choosing other

make your own dating app

. I know I might have to if there are any. Engineers listening hit me up. We can collaborate on an app. It'll be like swiped.

Jae 6:14

I don't think that's the standard you want to say. app was literally meant for hit it and quit it.

Angela 6:19

No, no, no, the good one that he created for the sorority girls.

Jae 6:24

The original one was like made for a hit it and quit. Like I don't want to know your name. I don't want to know anything. I know you want to hook up tonight like I do. And then we never speak again.

Angela 6:32

Okay, all right. Disclaimer, I am not looking for that app I'm looking for.

And

Jae 6:38

most people won't make it to the end of the movie.

Angela 6:41

I Oh, my God. I

know.

I only kept with it because it was a Noah centineo movie. Okay. All right. I feel like okay, we've we've been distracted enough this morning. First question, Jae. Oh, shoot,

I left my notes. Hold on.

And I have my notes. Sorry, did I shout at you? Well, it's fine. My bad. Okay. Jae, I feel like we can't truly start this conversation until we've established what are the nicknames that you've assigned to the seven suitors of datathon?

Jae 7:11

Okay, I have to pull up because I don't really remember. Well, I get to Am I just given the names? Or do I need to give a context for why they got the name

now?

Angela 7:18

context would be preferred. Thank you.

Jae 7:21

Okay. So the first one we have is Wall Street. He worked or works currently in investment banking and finance, I believe, yet he refused to tell me which bank he worked for. So I was like, Okay, fine. Then there's needy. I was gonna try to go with a dwarf theme but I'm assuming we don't need to go much further than we nicknamed him needy. Then we have cheap who similarly again with the dwarf Dean did not tip and that's about all we really need to know about him. But I'm sure we'll go into more depth. And then there Sweetie, good smile, sweet guy. But more of like an on than a, I want to like, date you then we have chef who all we really did was send food pictures and or recipes back and forth. And then there's Tesla. He had a Tesla and worked for Apple. I feel like synonymous honestly,

Angela 8:10

basically, especially here in the Bay Area. Yeah. Okay, so how did you end up picking these guys? Um,

Jae 8:17

so I was trying to go off something my therapist told me, which is like, would you make out with them and kind of just trying to go off of that. But the thing that I kind of did, which probably wasn't part of like the application was, like I said, like, what I make out with them after like a few drinks. Oh, so I might have been a little bit looser with the physicality and attraction than I would have otherwise. Because I was thinking back to our fraternity days thinking of it as like a dark party. And like, after a few drinks, like what I've made out what some of them, most of them got it probably. So the standard I was a little bit lower, kind of like the two at 10. But the tenant to kind of thing. Oh my God, not all of them. And it's like these aren't. I mean, Angela, you've seen them. They're not they were none of them were super unattractive. They weren't what I am slightly ashamed to acknowledge, I really want physically in a partner. And that's very hard for me to admit because I never wanted it to come off as superficial or shallow or I'm dating based off looks, but kind of after this experience, I'm learning that there does need to be a higher percent put on that than I was willing to admit. And that doesn't make me a bad person for it.

Angela 9:43

Correct. That's it just goes to the whole thing of like, if everyone was attracted to everyone, like how would you really know what you liked? Like it's just acknowledging like, what, what you're attracted to and that's okay.

Jae 9:54

Yes, and this isn't just like, oh, only people over six foot or only this. It's just like There are certain things that I feel I try to give more leniency to, to me, I equate, like meeting someone at a dating app, like someone bumping into you at a coffee shop. And that's the only impression you get. And I feel like you can bump into me Not now, obviously. But previously, you could bump into a whole bunch of you on a coffee shop, who you could meet fall in love with could make good friendship with could connect with, but they're not given the opportunity to make that impression. So I tried to swipe according to who is either interesting enough that I'd like to try to have a conversation with or who physically, I think I'd like to date. But frankly, the physicality also didn't go out the window, but was definitely something different in the times of COVID, when half of their face was covered during the majority of these dates, the majority of time, right. Okay,

Angela 10:52

what was that like?

Even just getting to meet them in first impressions?

Did you ever have trouble finding someone?

Jae 10:58

No, I was able to find them all the thing that was funny. So the first date I had was with Wall Street, we got ice cream. And it was very evident that like when he saw me like he went in almost for a hug and then realized like, oh COVID. So it's a very awkward interaction. Because normally like you go and just for like, not a side hug, but you go in for just like a hug, like Hi, like, break the tension, break the ice, some sort of physical contact, a handshake, a high five, something, and you can tell that everyone doesn't really understand what to do, and everyone doesn't want to come off. It's not being COVID safe, being aware of everything. So it was definitely an experience to kind of like also, and not to minimize anything, but with the me to movement. I know, I've heard feedback from a lot of guys, some do take it too far. But it is a stranger time trying to date women and trying to make sure they're showing the correct amount of physical interest while not interfering with someone's boundaries.

Angela 11:53

I agree. I think that I don't know. Did you ever try to make the first move when you first met someone to show them? Like what level of like physical contact you were okay with? Or did you just stay six feet apart?

Jae 12:04

No, um, we stayed six feet apart. Most of the time. Sometimes when I was walking, it was closer, but masks were on, I think your mask is off, you're at least six to seven feet apart. And since ideally, most of the men I was living on were between 510. And that's when I could just lie them down. And I grabbed it from there. Nice.

Angela 12:24

Or imagine a really big basketball player

Jae 12:26

Exactly. Like I kind of like asked the after, if there was food or coffee consumption? Do you want to leave masks often today apart? Or do you want to like go on a walk or something. So I kind of let them pick a bit. I just made it very clear. Like even before the day, it's like, I'm very not uncomfortable in dating, but I take these precautions very seriously. But at the same time, I don't want to let a whole year go by without dating. Just because I do want a family I do want certain things. And I currently don't have good health insurance to cover and egg freezing. So I want to just try to meet people now and then kind of also narrow down likes, dislikes red flags, things that you don't know that you don't want until you do it. Right How you meet someone like that. Like there are certain traits where you just don't think about it until you're on a date with someone there. Oh, and this is really important to me. Like this wasn't a make or break moment. But one of the guys he's like, I really want an aquarium. He isn't sorry. He didn't want an aquarium he wanted like he wanted like a tropical fish pond. Like wherever he settles so he's really into tropical fish. Oh, okay, isn't it? It's not a deal breaker, but it's just something like that's not something everyone would want in their future million dollar home.

Angela 13:41

That is true. Like was he thinking like full on like aquarium wall? Or does he want like a built in backyard unit?

Jae 13:49

No, he wants like the ponds because he's very into like the conservation of tropical fish. So it's like he needs like, he's like how much? 200 like gallons of water.

Angela 13:58

Oh, okay, cool for our fish. Oh,

that's pretty cool.

Okay. All right. So

we've established how we've picked them. So as we're calling this datathon these all took place in one week. They did so okay, logistically, I'm fully intrigued as to how this setup worked. Like did you have to lead them into this? Like, did you really call the shots when planning the dates like who asked who for what

Jae 14:21

I was asked out on all the dates not like a flexible like I just was I I'm not comfortable with a guy out on a date

So like I do wait. And if they don't then like we just don't meet up. So logistically, what happened was I downloaded dating apps, I think, mid early September. It's kind of a thing of even with text messages. No one will text you back and then all of a sudden when you're busy. Everyone feels

like texting you back really though. So one person I wanted to see I tried to like kind of make a schedule like okay, when are you free this weekend? And then they weren't really responding. So kind of all the other ones were like, oh, like let's meet up soon. Let's meet up next weekend kind of that. So it kind of just accidentally happened. That when you're on a dating app, at least in my experience, you match with people, some people like you just continue talking to the app talking on the app. And then some people are a little bit more like, okay, like, Let's meet up in person. And then some people, it's kind of in between. These guys were all kind of in the mid range, because I had all started talking to them around the same time. So they all kind of decided around the same time they wanted to meet up. So I had the choice of obviously either making them wait weeks and weeks, but because as Angela said earlier, this was in October, My birthday is at the end of October. And I did really want to see friends family, I didn't want to risk it. So I knew I had to have all the days prior to 17 days, it's not two weeks, it's not 10 days, 17 days prior to seeing my friends, and family. So I knew it had to be that and it was kind of just a thing of like, it's also COVID no one's doing anything. So I didn't realize the toll it would take on me. And the last time I've ever like not relationships, but when I kind of have met people off apps to kind of interact with a date with I did a dinner on a Saturday and then a coffee this Sunday morning. I know it's a little counterintuitive for me. I like dating first dates, like stalking them, not obviously socking them hours apart. I think people who do that are complete assholes. But I like doing them back to front because it kind of feels the only way I can kind of compare it right now is kind of like when we do a batch recording. Same thing, kind of getting the same thing over and over again. But I'm still me and all the situations but I get to put me in a lot of different situations and prep and practice. For me. It's a reminder, in certain date here is not the end all be all of men of people who would want to date me of people I would want to date. Mm hmm. And rather than being like, Oh, I want on one day,

is it gonna go? Well? Do

they want to date again? Like what's gonna happen? I know the next night or 12 hours later, I have another one planned. So it's kind of just puts in perspective of this is a process. This isn't like a Korean Topanga, you find the love of your life in a zoo, five. Oh, and you just know till you die?

No, that's really true. I know that we've teased you a lot about this in the past few months. But I was thinking about it when I was prepping. And I actually know like quite a few people who have done this. And they just prefer to do it this way. Like when they know like what they're looking for. They're trying to figure out what they're looking for. They schedule like multiple dates within a short period of time, just to like, see, like what's going to work out and just try to, I guess, like, settle it as fast as possible.

Definitely, I think especially kind of just going in meeting strangers, whether it's a date, whether it's an interview, whether it's a friend, whether it's like trying to transition a work, friendship outside of work, or a school friend outside of school, it's always a bit awkward to kind of like make those jumps from one setting to another setting in the UK from an app to real life. So having kind of knowing I might not be like an experienced like dater relationship person, but I now feel confident in my ability to go on a first date and know what I like know what I don't like no signs of things. But I think the real big thing is if you are taking the pandemic seriously, and you're not doing virtual dates, and you are meeting them in person, the whole body language thing is a really hard thing to read and interact with, I saw something, I wouldn't have said this on the podcast before but it was some psychologist or teacher on Tech Talk. So take it with a grain of salt, but how kids who are doing virtual school and this is what they know are going to be delayed in their ability to read body language and signals. Because their zoom quality is not obviously the same as in person. So kind of understanding and being able to interpret those signals is a bit harder. Kind of the same thing goes with dating. It's like, I don't know how many of those guys would have tried to kiss me if there was no pandemic. I mean, I can tell you there were probably only two I would have wanted to kiss back. No one was going to try. And if they did try, I would have been like you're an irresponsible person. And I just would not want to date them for that reason. Oh

Angela 18:54

my gosh, right. Very difficult. So I haven't been on a date since we've been in quarantine. But I don't know if that's something that I definitely I haven't been on a date and almost a year maybe a little over. No.

Jae 19:07

Would the people you've associated with feel the same about that answer that may be up for debate by how many months? Okay,

Angela 19:16

maybe six months?

Seven months?

Jae 19:19

Goodness gracious, the majority. Okay,

Angela 19:22

seven months.

Okay, so I haven't been on a date in seven months. It so I don't really feel like I understand what dating is like in quarantine. But I can just oh, that's like so good cringy to imagine on a regular basis. I have enough trouble like reading body language. Like I need someone to really spell it out for me like I like you.

Can I get closer?

Unknown Speaker 19:41

Yeah. I think well, it's just to think like Think of it this way. You're like, you're not going to get drinks and you don't drink but like being of being at a bar atmosphere. Just makes it lighter. There are people around. That's the other thing. You don't want to be anywhere isolated with strangers because catfish But you also don't want to get like too close to other people because of pandemic. I know. Okay, you went on a lot of Park dates.

Angela 20:08

I did. What was that? Like?

Like, did you have like, did you sit in the circles Did you like just walk around?

Jae 20:15

Um, combination of both sitting and walking? I think it seemed like they were getting antsy just sitting and I didn't mind walking. Okay, but I think, yeah, definitely like circles not sitting too close. One guy was not as strict with the mask as I would have liked when mine stayed on the whole time. So I wasn't has concern and it's like, we were outside in the hair. And yeah, I just I took a calculated risk. The other thing that was really difficult is when I know, I know, Bumble started doing these Bumble benches, because the thing is, when you go to outdoor dining or restaurants do COVID safe dining, they assume, which is not an unlikely assumption, the person you are sitting with is part of your bubble as part of your quarantine. So although I was six feet away from all of the other tables, people were closer, I tried my best to sit as far back from the person as possible, try to take up two tables. Mm hmm. But also being considerate of the waitstaff. But it was definitely harder to do because they assume you're part of the bubble. So it's like, I didn't want to get too close. I didn't want to because you're unmasked when you eat, if it's like in a restaurant,

Angela 21:23

pray like, oh my god. Okay, so like, you like to share food a lot. And like that's completely off the table. So what was it like dealing with only one entree,

Jae 21:32

I got chicken nuggets and fries, I was fine. And the other one I got brunch and I ordered I ordered a very nice like deep fried marscapone French toast, which I thought would not be nearly as heavy as it was, but I only finished half of it. And it was like a frickin mountain to climb through. Because I was like, I don't want to order the big plate of food, but I also like I'm hungry. So it was a difficult balance and then it's like I also didn't get him a mouse I didn't get a drink just because I didn't think I think he wanted to get a drink and like me not getting a drink he didn't want to get a drink. And I feel like it probably would have like loosened things up a bit but I just I wasn't comfortable spending more time in the restaurant environment than I do. Mm hmm

Angela 22:10

no that that definitely makes sense because I know when when you're sitting with someone in a restaurant right now you're like what maximum maybe like three feet apart. Like if you're just sitting normally um it depends so

Jae 22:22

I try to sit at the back of one of the kind of the outdoor sidewalk things and so I went as far back as I could whenever I ate and I like leaned back almost the point where my chair would dip over when I was like physically taking a bite and if I wasn't eating my mask was on but it was I feel like I tried to keep it always like four to six feet but definitely probably wasn't as much as I would have liked it to be post restaurants like when you're going on these walks I know you're really prone to wearing heels especially to further judge whether or not the heights described on the dating apps are accurate

but did you have three and a half and feel minimum my god

Angela 22:57

did you ever consider wearing a flat shoe consider yes execute know we got did what happens if you like walked too far.

Jae 23:06

Well one of them I did and then sat on a corner and like tried to muster it up because of things he also had offered to walk me home we were walking in my neighborhood kind of run the ball, but my feet hurt so much I didn't want to like have to have him walk back with me because like I couldn't move so I had someone pick me up and drive me home. Oh no, it's fine. It was like four blocks away.

Okay,

like it was like 10 blocks total but in the heels it just hurt I work I work like three and a three and three quarters and they were taller one so this one for some reason they mastered alphabet are I think

Angela 23:38

Hmm, okay, so the outfits Did you plan in advance what you were going to wear?

Jae 23:43

Um, no, I it was a jeans and a sweater jeans and a top ankle boots. I didn't repeat any outfits. But I definitely like interchange things because also with COVID you don't want to like rewear dirty clothes, but I also didn't want to like get all my good jeans dirty. So we would air them out. So like every other date I like wouldn't mix and match combinations for the weekend.

Angela 24:04

Oh my gosh.

Jae 24:05

Oh wait, I did wear flats on No Actually I did wear who did I? I might have worn flats on one day actually thinking back on it. But I knew he was like five, seven, so it was fine. I can judge for my thing as they say they're taller than five nine. I wear heels so that I can tell and if they're shorter, which I typically don't like. I'll wear flats because I can tell from standing height. But one of our frickin friends who I was 100% sure it was over six foot like 100% we found out was fought 510 510 and now I'm like completely screwed up. I already have terrible perception. The good news though is I now know I'm very confident in dating someone five

Angela 24:44

cuz because you felt like he was like 6 ft

Jae 24:47

his proportions make him look 6 ft'. Yeah, I felt like he was expected proportions matter a lot.

Angela 24:52

That is very true. So guys, please don't skip leg day anymore. proportions matter. I mean

Jae 24:58

I'm take yourself swim. I'm not gonna swim. body and whatever you have to do at the gym to achieve that do that.

Angela 25:03

That's a good one too.

Okay,

what were your dates wearing?

Basically this question is actually like alluding to did any of them show up in athleisure?

Jae 25:13

No.

Angela 25:13

Okay.

Jae 25:14

All right, so they were all in jeans or pants, or no one was an athlete here now All right, so that's a plus right? I mean, that's not a plus that's like a minimum like you don't show up to a first aid in clothes you board to the gym or could wear to a gym fairly true. Well, I

Angela 25:31

don't Okay,

how exactly are you defining athletes are like I

Jae 25:35

if these clothes make it physically easier for me to participate in tennis, badminton, bowling, running, yoga, CrossFit, any sort of physical activity that there is a class and or like an Olympic sport for you should not be wearing it on a first date do sweatshirts qualify as athleisure you get one piece. So if you're wearing a sweatshirt, your jeans better fit well. They better not be too long, too short, they better fit right with a belt if needed. And your shoes can't just be like basketball shoes. If you're wearing basketball shoes, again, jeans and a good Polo a good shirt, a pullover buttoned down something, you get one article of clothing and if you're wearing a frickin hat, that's your one article of clothing. Better workout.

Angela 26:17

Okay,

Jae 26:18

I think the biggest problems with men's clothes, not men's clothes because I know they make men's clothes is that men just like don't wear clothes that fit. And I think this goes for both genders and just kind of my whole style thing. In general, wearing clothes that fit you closer to your body, no matter what your body is, will help accentuate certain parts and hide other parts versus when you wear clothes that are obviously too tight. You'll look bigger and l proportion and when you wear clothes. They're too big. You look like a potato sack. That is for men. They look like man children because their clothes look like their mom pick them out.

Angela 26:53

Very true.

There's nothing worse than like a guy that doesn't have like the properly proportioned shirt on Yeah. Oh my god and don't wear a T shirt. That's too tight. Not have minded but men do.

Oh, yeah. No, that's

always really awkward. Yeah, but no one was enough leisure. Okay. What I not see them again.

Jae 27:08

No, but like if that's if that's all they wore, I probably would and I know that's kind of shallow. But I think I like I believe in dressing for the occasion. And I believe there's a certain way to dress for a lot of occasions, Jay would prefer her men to be as prepared as she is no, that's to the i would i would like my men to just look like a gap commercial, a white t shirt and jeans. And I don't think that's too much to ask. So you're asking them to bring back the James Dean look?

Sure.

Angela 27:38

You should know this isn't a Taylor Swift song. I do.

Jae 27:40

Wow. Good job.

Angela 27:41

Thank you.

Jae 27:42

I do no see my thing is though, it's like simple, I think both. Like just keep it simple, simple clothes that fit well make you look more attractive and like you put the right amount of effort into a thing and do an interaction to a date, whatever.

Angela 27:57

Alright, that's fair. I can agree with that. I mean, nothing's worse than when you show up. And then someone actually like makes a comment about it in some way. Oh, did anyone compliment your outfits?

Jae 28:06

Yes.

Angela 28:07

Oh my god. Okay, what

were these compliments, I feel like men give really, really great interesting compliments like they zero in on one thing that like you really wouldn't have thought of.

Jae 28:17

I mean, I think it was like a lot of you organized. But we can talk about how when I first got back on dating apps, three people complimented like my shoes, and we thought like, Is it a foot fetish but like two of them I was in like shoes that covered my feet. So I just kept getting complimented on my shoes a lot, which was like a very odd thing.

Angela 28:34

I think in the quarantine everybody reached back to their youth and watched that one Drake and Josh episode where I forget who it was taught Josh how to flirt.

And like the the compliment that he was told to give everyone was like nice shoes and then just walk away.

Jae 28:53

Oh. Funny.

I don't know. Maybe that was it. Everyone's like, oh, like, I mean, one. Your outfits are cute. Yes, they normally do. But it was like the shoe thing that was really weird. And one of them. I was in sandals. So I was like, Oh my god, do you have like a hot fetish? Like this is really uncomfortable. But it wasn't that because we kept talking about shoes afterward. And it wasn't like a foot fetish thing. It was just an odd way to start. Are you gay? And if you're gay like I'm completely okay with that just I'd rather not like try to date you

Angela 29:20

was this guy or any of the other guys just really into their own shoes.

Jae 29:25

Some of them were sweetie he and I talked about shoes a lot and he was asking about like what my dream pair of shoes were which obviously are blue buttons and he talked to all these sneakers and I was telling him my friends who were more sneaker Howdy. So like some people like I do just have conversation with shoes. Well, I also think like guy shoes are really hard. So I'm always curious with what they wear. Because I think guys shoes are harder than girl shoes.

Angela 29:44

Oh my god. They really are. Also just the guys that have like 20 pairs of the same shoe. They just they look almost the same. But they're all just like slight different variations of color and they can explain it to you

Jae 30:00

With that, I Oh,

Angela 30:02

it's fascinating. Like, I don't even think I'm like that.

Jae 30:05

No, you just want all the shoes.

Angela 30:06

That's true

Jae 30:07

every color, every brand every size.

Angela 30:09

Mm hmm. Okay, so actually, are you ready for a bit of a rapid round? To help us understand your dates more? Let's hear it. Okay. So I'm going to ask you questions. And then you need to tell me which of your dates you associate this with. And then you can give me a brief description if you'd like. Okay, who were you most excited to meet

Jae 30:28

Sweetie,

Angela 30:29

who looked better in person?

Jae 30:44

Tesla,

Angela 30:44

who looked better in photos?

Jae 30:44

Ooh, I haven't pulled up their profile since October. I'm gonna go with maybe Wall Street just because like, there was like a grad photo in there. And whenever there are photos of like, Guys in suits, or at weddings, they just look better.

Angela 30:44

Okay, I get

that. Who surprised you

Jae 30:48

teach, which I think I also left him off the list. When we went through the original seven. There's another one who wants to be a teacher. I call them teach the end.

Angela 30:56

Okay. Yeah, I want to come back to that because there's teach but then like chef, like you indicated, was actually a teacher. So I was very confused.

Jae 31:03

He taught like in not like Teach for America. But like one of the International like translating problems where you can live in other countries. Teachers wants to be a high school teacher. Oh, and he's also the one who wants the aquarium. Oh, based on one of his teachers who like had an aquarium and he was really into it. So I thought that was cool. He's also the one with seven sisters.

Angela 31:20

Oh, wow.

Jae 31:21

I feel like as only children, we could just do an entire thing on like, what's it like to have sisters? siblings? Really though?

Do any of your friends have multiple siblings?

Angela 31:30

Yes.

Jae 31:31

I'm trying to think No, no, no, I think everyone I know was like a two parent. Like two kids. Max. Yeah. Most of my friends if they have siblings, they have a sibling.

Angela 31:41

Oh, wow. No, I I definitely know a few people that are like three to five.

Jae 31:45

I mean, that's what I want. So I should probably meet some of them to see how my kids are going to be screwed up and how.

Angela 31:50

Okay, sounds good. Okay,

what was the best get to know you question you were asked.

Jae 31:57

I like one of the guys are what are you looking for? And I feel like it's a bit direct. And I think some people could look at it as a little bit abrasive. I liked it. Because I feel like when you ask a question like that you want I mean, I think you wanted the answer. And I think that is a really nice way to kind of feel out a person based on what your response is, and then how they respond back. Mm hmm. I think being on a dating app, some people are looking for a bunch of different things. So just like good to kind of start that early on the same setting.

Angela 32:24

That's true. Surprisingly, I've heard from a lot of people that Tinder is the app where they get asked this question the most? Well, yeah, because Tinder is known just for hookups true. Looks like surprisingly, it's like it's coming from both sides that like they're looking for something more substantial. But then why are you on Tinder? hence my questioning?

Jae 32:43

Oh,

Angela 32:44

did anyone overshare with you?

Jae 32:47

That's a very pointed question. And you know that you know the answer.

Angela 32:50

Wait, do I? Yeah. You know, you know, oh, no, I was I was drawing from my personal experience

when I thought when I thought that one up.

Jae 32:58

needy was fart. Are you kidding?

Oh, you know your story.

Angela 33:03

Okay.

Jae 33:03

You know your story. Sorry.

You know this.

Angela 33:05

Okay. All right. We know who the oversharer was. Did anyone give you too much information on their past relationships? Not too much information, but I think only if you brought them up.

Okay.

All right. That's pretty good.

Jae 33:18

I don't think it was too much. And I think I think something I heard on one of my other favorite podcasts that I love from a YouTuber and her boyfriend who have a podcast that I love listening to that he said that I just thought was really interesting, especially from like, a guy's perspective is like, wait for the other person to bring up their acts rather than asking, and then see how they speak about them. Because if like, they bring it up unprompted, Lee like often like that might be a sign that they're not over them or a sign in any direction. Definitely. So I think that one of them I brought it up accidentally, because I thought he asked me like, what happened in my last relationship? Oh, he didn't. He was asking me my favorite. He was asking my favorite type of wine, but we were in a busy Park. So I answered the wrong questions like, what am I? Oh, I'm so sorry. Like, I heard this. And like, the guy from the previous day had also asked me that question. So I like clearly made a wrong Association.

Angela 34:07

Oh, my God. We talked about it. And it was like, cool on both sides. Wait, did you make this association because you were on a date in the same place?

No. Okay.

Jae 34:18

No, I didn't. I just think swear I heard. Yeah, I don't even know what I heard. But it was loud. It was during the day.

Angela 34:26

All right. I mean, that's fair. It happens. Okay. Should we actually mark that as like, the embarrassing moment of the week?

Jae 34:32

Probably.

Angela 34:33

Okay. Oh, wait, hold on that. Okay.

Jae 34:35

That is or when I started asking the same guy the same questions, because like, he wasn't bringing anything to the table, and I got bored. So I started repeating questions from like, my recruitment handbooks that had already asked and forgotten like, Oh, my God, oh,

Angela 34:48

no.

Jae 34:49

And then he's trying to take longer, Mike. It's like 830 we're not talking about anything new. You're not bringing anything to the table. And I'm bored and this is the guy who Didn't tip. So all in all, I was ready to go home. Yeah, that was also my double everyone's going to be if it's seven days, and I mean, oh no, eight days and seven days. Yeah. So I doubled up on the first Saturday, I did a coffee date in the morning where we ran into my AP psych teacher. And I made him wait while I talked to my AP psych teacher because he was one of my favorite teachers in high school. And then I went on a date that Saturday night with the guy who didn't Okay, wait, so this was needy and cheap. Yes.

Angela 35:29

Okay. So how did he react when you had him? Wait, so you could talk to

your psych teacher,

Jae 35:34

he was pretty good about he talked with the friend, person my teacher was with.

Angela 35:40

Okay. All right. That's That's pretty good. Yeah,

it's better than the high points didn't

Oh, yeah. needy. Okay, so

wait, so when, like the

Oh, when the oversharing was happening, how did you respond? Like, did you clean it? Or did you like find a way to segue out?

Jae 35:57

Okay, well, here's the thing was oversharing. It wasn't, it wasn't oversharing of like, when we were hanging out the conversations we were having, there were a lot of similarities. Actually, it was more the oversharing the progression at which he viewed things happening with us that I was uncomfortable with on multiple occasions. And here's something which I just, I have a problem with. And my friends have tried to help me figure out how to course correct, I am trying not to make this sound like I'm not trying to give myself credit here. But if someone a date, a friend, anyone I'm interacting with is very passionate about something and likes talking about that. I like to listen, I like to learn, I like to observe. So I will engage with the topic. If someone's like, Oh, my God, you know what I'm really into fortnight like and I'm like, oh, like, I know, I've played like a few times. But like, tell me about it. Like, what about this? What do you think of these features, I've tried to pull from anything in my memory bank, I haven't I tried to engage, I've now been informed. That in doing so I could be, the thing is like, it's a hard balance of it's like how someone interprets what I'm sharing is not my problem to deal with. However, I also do want to be respectful of not of trying to make sure my intentions are clear. And I think I'm trying to figure out that balance right now, if that makes sense.

Angela 37:10

No, I mean, I completely agree with you. I think that when someone is passionate or really excited about something, then you want to keep that going because you want to learn what they're interested in. And that's really great. That's what everyone should do in any kind of conversation. But I think that like where that whole disconnect happens is that when you continually ask questions, and like really keep the conversation going, it gives the other person a unrealistic expectation of what your future conversations will be like. Because at that point, the more you're questioning, the more you're carrying the conversation and you're easing them into a space of comfortability.

Jae 37:50

That too, and then something else was brought up by one of them. I have a problem about x. And I'm all for self awareness. And I think it's good when you're a software person and you're trying to be more self aware as I am, you are most people should try to be. However, it's another thing to be like Angela, I have a problem that I talk when I eat, are you saying, Hey Angela, I talk when I eat and I hope you can girdle of me for that. Or hey, I talk when I eat and I'm trying to break the habit. I'm sorry, if it shows through, like those are two very different statements being made and kind of when you just leave it at, hey, I do X, it's kind of like and you're trying to work on it, or you're telling me Take it or leave it right.

Angela 38:28

I know, I actually I have saw an entire dating series on Tick Tock that addressed that recently. And this woman was trying to show that like when that happens, like it's okay to like completely call your date. So she went through like all of these examples of like, the different scenarios similar to you mean, call out your date, no like to call it off like to say like, you know, oh, we're, we're kind of done here. Like, no, not in a rude way, but just a way to like, end the night early or something like that. Because it's like, at this point, it's like if you know that they're not necessarily like committed to the growth they're just comfortable like being where they are in a space that will potentially make you or other people feel uncomfortable or what's what's what's the other word I'm looking for?

Jae 39:18

I don't know. We're

Angela 39:18

sticking with uncomfortable for now. And we'll see like, if it's just like if it's in a space where they're just they're not looking to truly better themselves. They just want you to like fall in line with them. It's okay to move on from that

Jae 39:31

god I can't ever imagine. I definitely also like there are certain areas where I need to work on my own advocacy. I definitely like didn't call any of my dates, like call them off. Like I kind of waited for that to fizzle out and be like, Oh, I have to go home. I have to do this. Like I was never the one to be like, Okay, I have to leave now that terrifies me.

Angela 39:47

Oh, you don't cover your dates.

Jae 39:50

No,

Angela 39:50

I start every first date by saying hey, I'm really sorry, I forgot I have x planned at this time which is usually about An hour to an hour and a half after we've met up. Oh, no, that way I haven't been out. Or then I can say like, Oh yeah, like, I'll cancel it or like it's kind of flexible. I can be a little late.

Jae 40:11

Oh, no, never. But what I didn't learn, which is a tip, I think that is a great one to use is try to park in a parking meter.

Angela 40:19

Oh, that's

a good one, then.

Jae 40:21

Cuz that's a good temper for that. I mean, that's a legitimate temper of like, oh, like, especially in the Bay Area. Our little meter cops love to get people Oh my god, especially in like the highly saturated neighborhoods where you go on dates. So like parking at a meter is like the perfect excuse, right? Oh, shoot, I'm going around on the meter. I'm sorry, I have to go.

Angela 40:40

Wait does

Jae 40:42

my best tip but like the best thing I've learned from from this criticism, always parking a parking meter.

Angela 40:47

Especially I don't know if your area has this yet. But they now have like different zones for parking meters. So you might put in like $2 at one parking leader. And that gets you two hours, you might put in $2 and another one, and it only gets you 45 minutes.

Jae 41:01

I pay with my credit card and I just do the time. I don't really know how much I'm getting charged. Okay. It's fine. I have my travel credit from my chase card that is not being very utilized this year.

Angela 41:12

Oh my gosh. Right. Okay, who impressed you the most

Jae 41:17

Tesla.

Angela 41:18

Why?

Jae 41:19

Because he he's an immigrant very impressive, like PhD getting very, he's very computer he space worker a person. And I think his goals are he's very clear in his career goals. He's very, he's like trying to teach himself to cook. He was like very much like the jack of all trades. Very smart, very interested in a lot of things and like, seemed proficient in a lot of things. Okay, and dressed well,

Angela 41:46

okay, so he was like a truly well rounded person.

Jae 41:49

Yes.

Angela 41:49

Okay. All right. So who was your favorite date from this week?

Probably tea was my favorite. Once it kind of like got into away from the like, oh, like, Where are you from? What's your home life? Like? Why do you do this? Like, what do you like? Like when we start talking about like the aquarium and his background and kind of similar things that we had in common, it was like the easiest to kind of continue conversation. And we both were making efforts to carry on conversation rather than kind of, though you have anything else to say. And it was a very awareness of wanting to communicate and learn about each other, as opposed to, I'm going to talk and monopolize this whole time about me, or I'm gonna ask you a bunch of questions and essentially interview you for an hour and a half. Yeah, both of those are really awkward. And they happen a lot, especially on first day.

Jae 42:35

I know

well, especially during quarantine because like I said, what, what to you? And I mean, just to flip this around, like think of it logically, what to you differentiates a first date from an interview like other than the setting like what to use the difference? I get to wear more comfortable clothing? Okay, that's but like, think of,

Angela 42:54

yeah, like, that's

honestly probably it. I think especially just even thinking about the last interview that I went on, I sat with a person for two and a half hours and talked about everything in like my outside personal life as well as like my background and what the job would be like,

Jae 43:10

and like the only thing that would have made it a date is if he kissed you at the end so like

Angela 43:13

your God. Well, no, but that's my point.

Jae 43:16

The the line of differentiation is very hard and without kind of the physical touches nudges walking closer choosing to be in each other's space, consensually, when that's taken out. Yeah,

it's like recruitment or like an interview now, especially when you don't have like an activity to go along with it either like, like a mini golf or a movie or something like that.

Definitely, definitely. It's kind of like I feel to me the best comparison is in a Gilmore girl episode called a women of questionable morals, where they're trying to find a woman who seduced the general to help win the revolution. The man in charge of selecting the woman not it's like very very moderately, like giving you creepy Harvey Weinstein vibes on a very very very very very, very minimal level but kind of like sweet like light virgin, he was asking them to give their best come hither looks, which is kind of all you have you can smile because you have the dang mask on so like there's no way to also signal whether the date is going well or not. And then it goes back to the conversation and then it goes back to me being too engaged so we can see where that vicious cycle continues.

Angela 44:25

I feel like at this point as dating and quarantine continues you are like other people are going to have to potentially like pull a move from Abigail from the bachelor this season. Right?

Jae 44:37

Love Abigail.

So when she liked the gear pull in Yeah, when she pulls about James aside and she's like, oh, like you know, just I want you to know like when we're on group dates and stuff if I adjust my earring like me and I'm thinking of you like I'm saying hi, but I think that's weird on like a first date, kind of but I think as it as it goes on, that's like kind of like what happens because

Angela 44:58

I don't know it's like these were all first state so you didn't have to think about it but just like when you're going to let someone into like your personal level, you have to think about like the timeline of that.

Jae 45:07

Definitely. I feel like one of the things that I love I mean, I just think is great in general is I mean, this doesn't work for me in multiple ways. One My name is Jay and I go by J like the letter because people often confuse it with Jen Jennifer jet, Janice Jade, Jane, Jan, whatever. My name gets confused. So I say j like the letter so people are Ella Jess jet. Yes. So nicknaming I think it's great when like, guys think of nicknames, whether they're playful whether before dating after dating, friendship, I think nicknames are really great. And I love when someone has like, I mean, I guess I would say like the creativity, the like, does it or I love like when they call you by your last name. My last name again is not a great one to be called. My thing is like I love especially for girls like I love how Rory called logon huntzberger or on other shows how I felt called go by their last name. I just think that's really nice and playful when you're able to nickname and think of those kind of little things for each other. I think that's a sign of a good foundation. Oh, no.

Angela 46:08

Well, I agree. And I disagree. Like I think it's good when you can get to that point. You know, my issues with over familiarity and nicknames.

Jae 46:15

Yeah, I do. Well, here's the thing. I think it's different when it's a shortening of your name. It's a calling you Angie instead of Angela, I can understand her calling you a veto instead of Angela when someone doesn't know you. But how Logan called Rory Ace, I feel like it's a different situation. I think it's a different one. They come up with a nickname for you based on your likes, dislikes interests, they're trying to be a little bit cheeky. And when they decide to alter your birth name.

Angela 46:40

True. Okay, I get that.

I still feel like I would want like,

Jae 46:43

I don't know, that's where my line of like overfamiliarity I still feel like I would want some overall like confirmation before that started, but I can see it. Okay. And sorry, our rapid round did not actually go very fast. But it's okay. Because I feel like we're learning a lot here. Um, glass, who do you think is most likely to hit you up? Again? Probably none

of them? A few of them. Okay, so here's the other thing I came into terms with. I said thank you to some or all of them. I know people are I go back and forth with Oh, you should say thank you. I don't care whether that means they never text me again, I think it's rude not to say thank you after going on a date, especially if they pay, I think it's brewed to like, hold out to hope that they'll send you something to hang out. I don't have time for that. Um, some of them, it's kind of I find this awkward. I'm sure. Whoever listens to this might give me some ends. And I would very much appreciate it. I may have ghosted, some of them meaning like, they stopped, they kept texting me, and I just stopped responding at some point. But the thing that's hard is like you go out on one date, and whether it goes well or doesn't. And they're kind of you're just casually texting. And then it's, uh, you kind of decide I'm not really into that. I don't want to like, be like, hey, it was nice meeting you. didn't work out. But it's like, I don't have that. I don't want to make it sound like I had, I think I think they had so much weighing on this. But I also don't want to be I don't like ghosting people. But I feel I have done it a few times if it considers ghosting after the turnaround time. Because I mean, in fact, I did just stop texting them. But it was also think of the conversations were fading. The last response I got was like, Oh, yeah, like or cool. It's kind of like a hard balance. do I owe you? And I mean, I don't owe anyone an explanation. But it's like trying to be warm, full and mindful of like, what's a way to be I had a nice time. I'm not feeling it. But it was only one date. I feel like I'm talking in circles now. So just trying to figure out a way to not ghost but also not well, I don't want them to think there's more invested than there was, or I'm more invested or that they had more invested. I'm done talking now.

Angela 48:46

I I understand what you're saying. Like I think that when especially when you get into places where the conversation is fading, I think that's more like maybe like even a mutual slow fade from both of you. In which case, there's sort of like an unspoken understanding of like, we're not taking this any further feeling very rarely our understandings mutual in most situations. Really,

Jae 49:09

yes, I think we are terrible at communicating. And I think with the internet and social media, I'll go I'll be a boomer for a hot minute. I think communication is getting worse and people feel more isolated ever even though there's more to connect with at our fingertips. And I think quarantines exacerbated that

Angela 49:24

yes, no? Okay, so yes, like I had a huge issue with this. I felt like I was actually like being pulled in like too many directions, like at the beginning of quarantine in terms of communication. So I actually became a horrible communicator. And like, I then had to like rethink and like restructure the ways that I was communicating with family and friends.

So I

get that, but I think in terms of dating, especially after one date, I feel that if no one's really making another move to ask for a second date, it's sort of under stood by both of you that you're you're not going out again. I mean, frankly, if I if I ever leave a day and nobody has like asked for a second one or asked if I'd like to do it again, I don't really think that they're asking for a second date, or that they want to go on one. Like, did that happen to you? Was there anyone who like didn't specifically ask for a second date? But like really was trying further your conversations?

Jae 50:25

Um, a few were one did say, oh, would you like to do this again? And I said yes. And he was one of the ones I stopped texting. But he didn't bring it up and text again. He just like said it in person at the end. But the other thing was, he doesn't live in the same city I live in and he wanted to do something I kind of nature he and my issue we didn't clean nature in this time is isolation. And like not wanting to get kidnapped and like cabin in the woods. That's definitely fair. Yeah, but no one who asked for a sec, like there was no one there people I talked to, but no one I talked to a few after, but none of them like continued very far. Or I didn't continue very far. I didn't engage very much.

Angela 51:04

There's no one that like you're still friends with or anything like Did anyone asked me friends?

Jae 51:09

Um, one day and then they got we kind of stopped texting. I think it's kind of I think especially under kind of these quarantine circumstances, I think it's hard to create friendships when you're already having trouble sustaining the ones you have socially distant, but making new friends, which is kind of odd. I mean, maybe after quarantine, we'll see. But I don't as of now. No.

Angela 51:27

Okay. All right. Well, we'll have to do a follow up.

Jae 51:30

Yeah, maybe

Angela 51:31

sorry. I'll do a personal follow up. Got it. Okay, so just like going back to the safety feature there. Like you have to think about COVID. And then you also have to balance just like the regular everyday thought of like, well, the stranger that I met on the internet, kidnapped me

Jae 51:44

to later location with everyone and tell everyone to check in at increments. And if they don't hear from you to send certain messages to check, yes, there's no reason an hour to an hour and a half. You don't have time to pull your phone out to go to the bathroom or something. Tell someone whether it's good, bad, ugly, that you're still alive. But no, I made sure all my friends knew when I was going to the dates when I was ending the day it's and they checked in periodically throughout, just and then with COVID I think you just need to be very clear. I think when someone's like, Oh, do you want to go for a drink? He's like, actually, I'm not comfortable with that. I think it's better than saying like, yeah, and then like not take your mask off. And just like stand there awkwardly while they drink a beer. Like, I think it's weird. I think if they have a problem with that, there's no reason why I'd want to go on a date with you. Right now anyway, like maybe after the pandemic, but there's no reason why I'm gonna put my safety at risk for someone I've never met unless I think you're my soulmate,

Angela 52:35

right? Now and especially to just going back to the texting if the person that you're with isn't like a fan of like you just like quickly replying to a message. Just let your friends know. You're okay.

Jae 52:47

I've never had anyone having a problem with that. Yeah, I don't think I've had that either. That'd be really odd to have a problem with that.

Angela 52:52

I know. I feel like I would just walk away. I'd be like, there's definitely something fishy going on. Leave me alone. And then just with COVID? Did you Did anyone ask you to get tested before you met? anyone asked you like, you know what your isolation status or anything?

Jae 53:06

No, but I think when I made it clear, I will only go on these dates. Under certain circumstances. It was clear, I'm out partying in Mexico, but I need to make sure you're not going to expose any of my friends who I'm seeing all the time. So I think that most people will understand when I was saying, I said, I've been taking this very seriously. So whatever for them meant serious or than they were taking it and I don't know, like, do you?

Angela 53:26

Do you feel like you would have felt comfortable asking any of them? Like if they had like negative test results, like recent negative test results or anything?

Jae 53:33

Um, I wouldn't have minded do ask him, but I felt like I was doing it in the safe way. I've been seeing my family and I was really cognizant of the way I was going to behave on these dates. So if I had anything like of getting closer to any of them, I would have probably done that. I think is kind of like an introduction. So I didn't feel the need to Alright, yeah, I

Angela 53:57

think that's fair. I think that if your dates had progressed, would you have asked? Probably Okay, I think that that's just sort of like a good rule of thumb, like, especially when you get to the part where people are like, inviting you over like, do you want to hang out in my backyard? Do you want to come watch movie? Yeah.

might be nice to know.

Jae 54:14

Definitely. All the clicking

Angela 54:15

I know. Sorry. That was my pen. So after datathon and having this time to see the different people see the different dating styles. What do you think? Is there anything new that you've discovered that you like or don't like parking meters always parked at a party?

Jae 54:33

I am in terms of kind of reading people I think something I need to get better at is kind of being aware of my engagement level. I think it's definitely thing don't not engage with them. But I think something I've been told is to engage on a more superficial level on more things rather than kind of like really find interest in what they're passionate about, which kind of sucks because like I care I think it's interesting what people are passionate about, but also to prevent certain situations from repeating and or my intentions getting mis read again, I know it's not my job to do. But I also would like to try to prohibit what I can right now just trying to engage in a more mindful way and kind of read what they're reading. And also, I not give a pass, but I feel I give people a lot of chances at the beginning. Like, I'll give them a chance to like I said earlier, the way I swiped because I feel when you swipe on someone, you're it's like, you literally pass them for half a second and you don't really get to see them. And men also can't take very good pictures of themselves. So I'll give a pass there. And then after the first day, it's like, oh, well, they were nervous. And although I'm still gonna leave room for that, there are certain things like if I don't feel attracted to them, I'm probably not gonna feel attraction to them the next day. So there's no point in me trying to justify certain behaviors and or things that I did didn't like that could grow or could get better. I just have to believe that there are people out there who will kind of spark things faster, and try to find those people, I guess, here here

Angela 56:04

and now to close us out. Jae, as we discovered recently, about 40% of our listenership is male. So 53 if you're going off Spotify Oh, okay. All right, so more than half of our listeners are currently male. So please describe your perfect date COVID quarantine safe or otherwise,

Jae 56:27

okay, let's not go quarantine because like that's not going to be very fun. Also, sorry before I will explain that but something else that I just think is interesting about me. I didn't want to do any zoom FaceTime dates I not pushed for in person but I was more comfortable with in person. Because I had a problem with someone seeing my house and seeing my space. Since this is literally been my space for the past eight months. I know a lot of people felt more comfortable and will just doing virtual dates. But for me, it left room for one for me to get distracted. And to for me to if like a date went bad. And I was sitting on my couch and I was like I don't want to like associate like this with that date. Like one of the reasons I started doing this I lie about my favorite brunch spots for guys when I used to go on like in person dates. Because I'm like if I tell them my real spot, and then this date tanks, I can't come back here. Oh one. What if they come here now and two. I told them like good places, but I don't tell them like my favorite favorites. Like there are two places I will never ever tell a date. I'm gonna say them on here because the opposite. Oh shit, I can't they're in the city I live in Nevermind.

They're two very great brunch places that I go to there. My Top Tier One is really good quality and really good food and one's more of the kinds of the trendy brunch with like, the carmelized bacon and the deep fried french toast and more like fusion notes to it.

Angela 57:47

Good job.

Very subtle.

Jae 57:48

Thank you. Right, my perfect date. Okay, we're going non COVID. Something else that I learned is like, I probably should stop going on dates during the day. Because apparently that like leaves more room to like, extend it. But at the same time, I don't want to meet up at night. I'm tired. I'm someone who loves to be in bed by 1030. And if I go on a date with someone earlier than you just let them you know, like, after the date. Well, we'll see if you can help me advocate and work on that. Okay. I think probably I like ideally do like a date with food, not just because you got to see kind of the whole reach for the check mentality. But you can also have a long time see how they interact with staff. I think it's really important that the person you go on a date with has table manners is polite to the waitstaff tips. Well, I think I understand we're all in our own positions. But how hypothetically he tipped well, Tesla tipped very well. But knowing that Tesla owns a Tesla, and is in a financial situation where he can tip and if he didn't, I definitely would have taken off marks for that. It's one thing like when you're in college and you're broke college student, I don't think you can hold the same standard. But when you know someone's in a field where they're making a lot of money, and then they don't talk well. I don't appreciate that, especially during a pandemic, when you're fortunate enough to still be working tip well, Mm hmm. So I like restaurants. And then I think I like walking off my food because like the food gives you energy and energy. Yeah, I just think like I'll walk somewhere and walking around or like getting to talk and get to know each other more. And ideally, like a meal involved, and then a very graceful bow, but I'm not great at transitions. It's alright, we know that someone who's great but transition i don't know i have a chip on my shoulder my whole life or being told I'm relatively high maintenance, but the thing is about me at least the way I see it, I will pack my suitcase to the max weight limit but I don't expect anyone else to carry it. I'm high maintenance in terms of I like certain things to my standard and I have high standards, but I don't expect other people to enable and or contribute to those standards in which I have for myself if that makes sense.

Angela 59:50

That is very fair. And I can attest that she does carry her own suitcase. I've seen it Thank you.

Okay, so

wait this I just thought of this. So like Cheap didn't tip

Jae 1:00:01

correct.

Angela 1:00:01

So okay, did he actually asked you to split the check to

Jae 1:00:05

he paid for me one of some of the other guys didn't pay for me, but I would have rather him not paid for me and tipped.

Angela 1:00:10

I don't know, how do you feel about splitting the check in general, I

Jae 1:00:13

'm fine with it. I think one of the I'm fine with splitting the check, I'm fine. relationship, friendship, whatever, don't go into a situation you cannot afford to be in. And that's just in general, whether it's a vacation, whether it's a drink, whether it's a brunch, whether it's a coffee, you should never go in expecting someone else to pay for you. Or you shouldn't be in that situation. I mean, maybe that's a bit classist of me. Or some situations I've privilege I'm unaware of. But I think that putting yourself in that situation when it's not feasible just isn't great to begin with. I think I am of the How I Met Your Mother kind of like always have your credit card ready be willing to Venmo but kind of let them pay. I think also, the thing that's interesting with COVID is kind of like the whole joke. The misogynistic Oh, like, are you? Are we sleeping together? No. Oh, well, then split it with me isn't really valid because of the safety precautions and the things around COVID. Right. So I think that's interesting to put into effect, I think similarly. But to me, reaching for the check isn't the only thing meaning on the first date, not only did I pay for my own coffee, but then I had to walk back to my car, because he's like, Oh, I live in the other direction, versus the other guys who didn't pay or who did pay and then walk me to my car it was during the day. But I think there are other ways to show the same kind of reach for the check mentality that aren't physically reaching for the check. And I think financially it's, especially with COVID, everyone's going through hard times. So I don't think as much of that. But yeah, if you can afford to pay for my meal, don't pay for my meal and tip. No,

Angela 1:01:39

I think that's our I think that's a really good rule of thumb. Because I mean, I feel like I would rather know that we're splitting it, because then if you don't tip at least I am. Yeah.

Jae 1:01:49

Especially in these times.

Angela 1:01:51

So do you think you're going to be on dating apps

anytime soon?

Jae 1:01:54

I go back and forth of like, yes. And no, currently in California, COVID cases are up, the vaccines are getting distributed. And in three days, in my personal, like I said, unsolicited opinion and our new intro, I am hoping our new president will start rolling out vaccines faster. And I know apparently, we just ran out of one because someone didn't order enough because God forbid we order enough for every citizen of this country, rather than just a certain demographic who don't even want it. I digress. I think I want to but I also think waiting for the vaccine at this point just kind of makes sense. I don't think I'll wait too much longer. But I also have goals in relation to you still getting a job working on this podcast or developing certain tech skills that I'm working on. So it's not my priority. And I still also haven't seen my family recently, because of the higher regulations. And when it comes to do I want to go see my family for a few hours, or do I want to go on a date, I'd rather see my family, it might change. Also, after February, Angela is much more aware of the whole kind of cuffing season and calendar. Well, that goes so maybe things will change kind of come around March post Valentine's Day. I just think dating now is an awkward time. Because if you start talking now you're going to be like right in time for Valentine's Day. And that's like, I don't want to it's just odd. So maybe when this comes out, we will put in the shownotes whether or not I have re downloaded dating apps or not. And I was just

Angela 1:03:20

gonna say is this the wrong time to bring up Tinder passport? Actually, Can Can we talk about this? I know that dating apps are kind of like a weird subject are dating apps a weird subject, but well, whenever I hear other people on podcast talk about them. They're always like unnamed dating app because we don't want to get in trouble. Oh, I think most people don't name the dating app because they sponsor people. I mean, I know most people don't name them because certain one sponsor, so they'd rather not give the kudos until they're getting paid. Oh, got it. It's fine. We're still figuring this out. So is this the right or wrong time to talk about Tinder passport as an option for you?

Jae 1:03:53

I'm I'm open. Like I'm open. I'm not against it. I'm also not super I don't currently feel like I have the right kind of energy to exude of wanting to meet other people in any capacity. So I don't really want to be on a dating app. Okay, but I think after maybe by the time this comes out, my opinions will have changed. It'll be after Valentine's Day, which is kind of the whole lead up that makes everything really awkward and uncomfortable.

Angela 1:04:19

I know like this is that really strange time on dating apps right now where people are like, Oh my god, you like the color blue? I like the color blue. Obviously, we're soulmates. I've never been on dating apps around this time.

I was terrible. I

don't know what you're speaking of.

Jae 1:04:31

Would you like to elaborate?

Angela 1:04:33

Oh, well, I mean, I just think that right now like this weird time where like, especially with new year's resolutions even though I know that those are like technically been canceled. People still like make them in some degree. And when a lot of people are like, oh, like I want to get out there. I want to meet more people. I want to date more. Like you get a lot of eagerness on dating apps. That is not necessarily like driven by their interest in you As a person, but like in their interest to open themselves up to more people

Jae 1:05:04

is not bad.

Angela 1:05:06

Not necessarily, but it just it. Occasionally you get caught in this weird Limbo of like needing to figure out does he really like me? Or does he really like that he's talking to more people than he did last year at this time? Got it. Okay.

Jae 1:05:21

I understand that. Yeah.

Angela 1:05:22

So it's just the intention, which I mean is true, really, at any time of the year whenever you're dating, but I feel like right now it's just at this like, heightened frenzied state. True,

Jae 1:05:32

I can see that. I also just don't understand the need to like, want a date on Valentine's Day. What's the rush like? Why? I mean, I guess, to each their own, but it's what and society has conditioned you that you need someone on this particular day in February to validate your existence as opposed to any other day of the year. At least that's how I see it. I don't know. Maybe I'm a little sadistic masochistic greeting card company.

Angela 1:05:59

Yep. Yeah.

No, I agree. It's like, show me Show me a super special time on any other day, except for Valentine's Day. Yeah, it'll mean more. Like, you know, acknowledge it in some way. It can be like a real like, it can even be a really small way. But like, you know, save like the big things for something else. See people I'm not the high maintenance one. I want a simple brunch and a walk. I know secretly, Angela wants big things trips, diamonds, chocolate statues in her honor. Oh, I was thinking more like a deep dish pizza. Cuz that's a pretty long toe or truffle Mac. Oh

my god. Okay, I

actually just saw this thing on the Food Network. It's a mac and cheese pancake. So they literally like throw the pancake batter down. And then they put macaroni and cheese on top of it. And so when they flip it it's

Jae 1:06:51

half pancakes, the pasta cook

Angela 1:06:52

Yeah, it's cooked. Yeah, I don't I don't know where they make this. I saw it in a commercial. So I need to look it up and like find out which show was actually showing us, but looks awesome. That could even be the big thing. You all will find what when I mainly refer to big things, they're mostly food or food adjacent. Sounds about right. Yep. And on that note, thank you for listening to today's episode in Omnia paratus Don't forget to like download and subscribe rate. Boomer but until then head on over. Don't forget. Don't forget to rate download and subscribe. But for now, grab your coffee bowls and head on over to @inomniapod on Instagram to let us know what you thought of today's episode. Bye.

Jae 1:07:36

Bye

Angela 30:31

who looked better in photos? Ooh, I haven't pulled up their profile since October. I'm gonna go with maybe Wall Street just because like, there was like a grad photo in there. And whenever there are photos of like, Guys in suits, or at weddings, they just look better.