Episode 42: Frat Hard, Frat Always feat. Brian

Jae 0:00

I pledge myself to the pod. Loyal I'll always be a p to start a D at the end, and an O sitting in between. Welcome Matthew and Omnia products. I'm Jay like the letter.

And I'm Angela, also known as a vo, oh, this is gonna be a really interesting day two in the afternoon,

Angela 0:22

you should understand how this works. And this is like Episode 500 million.

Jae 0:26

This is still only the second episode that we've ever done together in the same room.

Angela 0:31

That's actually false, because we had three episodes in that day. So it's actually our fourth recording. It's just like when you have triplets, you still have three children, you just go through at one point in time. Got it. So

we've only given birth once, check. sure we'll go with that. Well, listeners, you may not know because our special guest today has been very quiet so far. But for our Greek life series, we have the one the only Ryan, who actually I've come to find out today does not want to be known as Ryan anymore. He wants to be Brian, which was definitely not what he said when we started this podcast, but Okay,

Brian 1:09

hi. Happy to be here.

Jae 1:10

Which one is his real name? Because I feel like people might be a bit confused the way you just introduced that.

Angela 1:16

So his real name is Brian. Brian, would you like to confirm this?

Brian 1:19

Yes. My name is in fact a Brian and not Ryan.

Angela 1:23

Also, I just feel like one other point of clarification we might need to make here just for those people who listen who know Brian in real life. This is definitely not his real life voice. What's got what's going on there. Dude,

Jae 1:35

why did

Brian 1:36

I have very confused?

Jae 1:38

You? Definitely. Your voice definitely sounds like a little bit deeper. You're like, Hello, I'm Brian.

No, I think that's just you, Angela. Are you sure?

Brian 1:46

I don't think so. I'm speaking than normal. The way I usually do Alright, everyone, apparently

Angela 1:53

I just woke up wrong today.

It might be because you're more even you're to speaking Brian is not six foot as we originally thought and confirmed on my birthday. Even in shoes. He is not six foot. But words are so short, we thought but because of this setting where there are mics that need to be in vocal range of everyone. Angela has to be closer to his head. So maybe she's just not used to hearing his voice at range.

I mean, maybe also, as I'm thinking about it, we've probably only ever spoken on the phone a handful of times. So I feel like that's the only other time I would have heard your voice like this.

Brian 2:32

Yeah, that's That's true. That's a fair assessment. It's normally everything is done through text messages. And just moving along from the awkwardness that I've created today. As I mentioned earlier, Brian is here as part of our Greek life series. So Brian, oh, God saying your name sounds so weird.

Angela 2:50

Wait, hold on, take it back a step for the people. How do you know Brian?

Jae 2:55

Like how do I know Brian specifically? Or is this an I like a Queen's week kind of situation? I mean, do you think we know him in vastly different ways? You never know with us. So um, we we kind of went to school together. We technically went to school together. We went to the same school just in different years. Not me. Yes. Except for Jay. The baby of the bunch.

Brian 3:19

Yeah. Because, uh, pretty sure by the time Jae started college, I had just graduated.

Angela 3:25

So yeah, listeners. That's that's how we know Brian. He's here to talk about his Greek life experience at our shared alma mater. And yeah, first question for you. Hold

Jae 3:36

on, hold on. No, no, no, no, no, no, as now the two previous guests we've had on this podcast, Megan and Ali were friends with him. And therefore, when they picked us up as little as we became friends with him, you did not just meet him because we went to the same school in Greek life. I could pull up a bunch of composites of boys who are in fraternities during our time, who you would not know.

Okay, fine fers in that respect, I know nothing about Brian from Greek life or because the first time that I ever actually hung out with you in an intentional space where we were meant to be together was for brunch after we had both graduated from college. That's that's how I know Brian. If you listen back to a few podcasts ago, I talked about how I actually first knew him as Ryan because I totally misheard his name on the phone. So that was very fitting for the start of this joke on the podcast. Jay knows him more in part because of our bigs because you guys actually hung out a few times in college. I mean,

yeah, but I don't think like extensively more than you. My big as we mentioned in her episode was dating someone in a fraternity and Brian Ryan was in that fraternity. So therefore, I would hang out and see him at things because definitely at our campus, I don't know whatever campus but I feel like this is a big fraternity thing. The dude just come around longer.

Angela 4:55

You're on the spot there now you're hanging out at college after you graduated. Yeah. For sure.

Brian 5:00

I mean, I was working on campus at the time. So, you know, I still had friends who were actives and still people who were in college, I came around a little bit

Jae 5:09

and always with a delightful party beverage of some sort. One of our first concerts I remember Brian so generously brought what was supposed to be watermelon soaked vodka, or Yeah, watermelon infused vodka. The ratio was a tad bit off, which as we'll get into this, I'm assuming we'll kind of talk about is like a theme with Brian and beverages.

Brian 5:32

Yeah, I definitely remember that specific beverage or talking about it was not very enjoyable to say the least. But did you finish it definitely did not finish it. It did not turn out the way I expected. So it's okay. He's

Angela 5:46

redeemed himself since and now getting back to my Rory Gilmore, journalistic fantasy. Brian, why did you join a fraternity.

Brian 5:53

My experience with joining a fraternity was a little different from most I spent my first several years in college very focused on going to medical school, graduate school. And towards the end of my college career, I realized I hadn't done everything I wanted to in college, my senior year, I decided to go for it just rushing for attorney get the most out of what remained of my college career. Try something new, and I ended up rushing a fraternity because of it.

Angela 6:22

Wait, this was your senior year? Yes. How did I not know this? j Did you know this?

Yes,

I'm late to the party. Okay, so talk to us talk to us about the rush process. What is it like because I feel like it's vastly different from what sorority recruitment is like.

Brian 6:36

So in general, rushing for attorney, there's actually a lot of similarities. I feel like between rushing a fraternity and sororities, especially when you go through formal rush, which we also have like sororities, during fall quarter, each fraternity has like a room and then Russia will actually come in meet people. It's like a speed dating kind of thing, you only have a certain amount of time to talk people meet people. And then everyone moves on to the next room. So you get like groups of guys come in looking to learn about who you are as a fraternity. And then the days after that tend to be a little bit more informal, whether it's just going out to like a pizza place or going out to like one of the houses just to hang out and meet the brothers at the fraternity and get to know them a little bit better by the end of rush. You know, you go in for like you do like a little interview, everything you had comes the last days very like formal and then you find out if you get a bid or not from them.

Angela 7:30

So do you get to pick the fraternity you rush? Or is it like after that initial first meeting speed dating kind of thing, you're then invited back or out to these other events during the week.

Brian 7:41

So with formal rush, which is usually only fall quarter, you're required to meet all the fraternities, when you do informal rush, so that's usually either a winter quarter or spring quarter, you choose a fraternity you want to rush and then you go to their events, okay. You don't have to meet every single fraternity.

Jae 7:59

Okay, but for formal rush, like those later events during the week, like going out and meeting at a pizza place or something like that. How do you get that invitation? Like is it something where for sororities like potential new members and the active members in the chapters, there's a like a ranking system basically, in which you have to vote and you say like, which ones you want to go back to?

Angela 8:18

Like, how does this work for fraternities

Brian 8:19

during my time, it's up to the person who's rushing choice if they want to go all those, those first couple events are always open to everybody. Oh, okay. Yes. So you can go to as many different fraternity events as you want, or as few

Jae 8:32

so being that you and Angela didn't join your first year Angela had met roles in sororities throughout her first year. Did you know guys in fraternities that made you pick the one you did or sway towards other ones originally, and then when you met your bros, you're like, Oh, no, this is who I want to hang out with.

Brian 8:49

Yeah, so actually, I'm having it spent already three years in college I had already met a lot of people just in the Greek system. But when it came down to it that winter quarter when I rush so I did informal rush. I look back and I people that like kind of stood out to me were my, my freshman year to remember these called like a dorm. All right, all right. Yes. All right. The ra who was already in the fraternity that I was interested in, and a couple friends I made early on who rush their freshman year so they were my year but they rush their freshman year they were also in the fraternity that I was looking into. So I ended up just rushing one fraternity and it was kind of like an all or nothing thing kind

Jae 9:28

of just the way you move through life. Yeah, yeah, you can say that.

Angela 9:32

Do you have any particularly memorable experiences from your rush process? legal please.

Brian 9:38

Of course I would never go nothing. Illegal during rush. I think the most impactful is probably one of the events. I remember what it was. It was a maybe we were all watching a game or something on TV and it was just a bunch of fraternity brothers at a house the Russians Can we just hung out and talked and it made everything feel very down to earth real you got to connect you On a more informal level rather than like a formal rush thing and I kind of like that you got to like learn like who the individuals are as people rather than as a collective fraternity group.

Angela 10:10

Is that the moment where you were ready to trust the process?

Brian 10:13

Yeah, yeah. I kind of enjoyed everyone I was with there decided you know, this I think I want to be a part of this and then committed to the rush process.

Angela 10:22

J you caught my bachelor joke, right? Okay, so now you've joined your fraternity. Walk us through the pledge process through your experience like what do you think like 10 for 10 recommend super easy, not what the myths say.

Brian 10:36

So the pledge process definitely makes your pledge class let me define to your viewers or listeners a pledge class is essentially the group of guys that are joining a fraternity at the same time there's a lot of stereotypes obviously in movies and shows and everything but I can honestly say that I got very close to those guys. I got to know them really well. We're still friends to this day. I talked to them most of them almost on a daily basis just came back from one of their bachelor parties recently see them continue being in my life for the foreseeable future

Jae 11:06

guys, keep your keep your heads up, but

I've tried to be like, because he says for the foreseeable future isn't like you're hiding on eggshells. So like keep watch keep on good behavior. Keep your friends close and your brother's closer as

Angela 11:24

Angela and I have already both expressed a we love our bigs so much and fond after them and one of them what's your big little meat cue? I guess the way we say that now

Brian 11:35

it's definitely different than I feel like the relationship between sorority big sin littles you're more just like friends there are a lot of big little bros that aren't aren't close to each other it's it's definitely a different experience for sure.

Angela 11:49

Wait, are you saying you when you're bigger closer than friends?

Brian 11:53

No

no not saying that I don't know maybe

Angela 11:59

but definitely sending this episode

Brian 12:00

I I'm what I'm saying is I and I find that there there's incidences where you have big bros little bros that aren't very close they establish that kind of like big little relationship and then afterwards they don't really hang out much anymore they don't communicate after that in my case I I'm still pretty close to my big bro so we're still friends he's still part of like my immediate friends group.

Angela 12:26

So again, what's your meet cute? How'd you meet him

Brian 12:29

and woo him to be your big so I met him through the rush process one of the nights I actually wasn't too close to him during my whole pledging process I hung out with him a couple times on a couch at a letters which is where all the Greek people hang out or school and the why he picked me up I have no idea you got to ask him that

Angela 12:51

but but why did you want him to pick you up to be

Brian 12:54

honest with you I'm it's not one of those things where I can really define it just kind of happened to just got along and I at the time I didn't know who was going to be picking me up it kind of just happened and I think we became better friends after he picked me up rather than before. So it was an after process thing rather than before.

Jae 13:12

That makes sense. And I think the whole bigs and littles being friends and sorority, I think it's just that we have a larger sampling because a lot of sorority bigs and littles don't work out either just on our campus I would say the sororities word least double the largest fraternity at any given point, at least. So because of that it looked like maybe some of the fraternity it was more common for differed. It looked like a larger amounts of bigs and littles and fraternities weren't as close and sorority girls but just wait a larger sampling sizes and those for a I think dig monetising wise for a big and little in a sorority to not work out than a fraternity was a much larger deal.

Angela 13:52

I think also when it comes to bigs and littles in a sorority, we really push the big little relationship like particularly during recruitment, it's about sisterhood, but we also really emphasize like those extra internal relationships that we build, and you can correct me if I'm wrong here, but I feel like when you're rushing a fraternity Brotherhood is really the emphasis like no one goes in talking about like, Oh, yeah, like I absolutely joined and stayed here because I love my big bro and wanted him to be my big bro. And I idolize him. And that's something that definitely Jay and I especially like personify for Sorority Life. No,

Brian 14:25

I agree. I find that you're close to like a large group of guys rather than a lot of times just being close to want very close to one individual guy, especially in the fraternity and I just found that there seemed there was a lot of more interest because even within like a sorority, you'd have like little cliques, you'd have little pockets of friends. I found that the inner fraternity because we were smaller, there was a lot of intermingling between those pockets and groups of friends. So you just had a lot of people to hang out with even if even if you weren't that close to them. You always have the opportunity to eat come close. Other and other people, so it wasn't always hanging out the same person over and over again.

Angela 15:05

And that I think also just to put this in perspective for our listeners as well, like, like your fraternity

was what, like 50 people

Brian 15:12

when I joined, I think we were like a little bit over 40. So it's not as large as the sororities on campus.

Angela 15:20

Oh, yeah, definitely. So yeah, that that totally makes sense. What do they

Jae 15:23

do for fraternity big little week? Do you have a big little week? Or do they just do like a reveal? So

Brian 15:29

once again, this really really depends on the fraternity, not just the fraternity the individual chapter of the fraternity. So it even though my fraternity at our school that did this a specific way, if you go to another school, they might do it a completely different way even though it's the same fraternity. So our process is completely unknown. What do you mean, I did not know when I was getting a big bro who that big bro would be I did not know any of it. It's completely blindsided.

Angela 15:59

Wait, wait so you have no nothing like leading up to this no one asks you who what, who you want to be or big bro, you may not know anything. Like we're just saying like your big bro just like popped up one day and was like, Yo, I'm here,

Brian 16:12

basically, which is why it was a little difficult for me to answer your question earlier about how you like I want how what made me want this person as my big bro. I was it's completely almost blind.

Angela 16:23

Okay, all right, that makes more sense. It's backpedal. It's blind to the pledges. Yes,

Jae 16:29

in some way. I feel like that relieves the pressure because I think new members and actors and sororities put so much pressure on it all. When everyone goes in blind. Well, not everyone. But when the new members going blind, it's not as personal how good or bad the relationship is, because everyone gets one. And it's just the way it is rather than because we do get to choose it. When someone doesn't choose you back or the bay you want picks another little or something happens, it feels a lot more personal than just the octave members decided, frankly, girls are caddy. So it would still get around who picked and what wanted to happen. But it would be a lot less stressful for the new member side of things. I think if your relationship doesn't work out, like oh, shoot, like cool, but then you can still bond with everyone and be friends with everyone because it's just the way the system is not this lifelong, best friends forever kind of relationship that's told to you.

Brian 17:17

Yeah, I absolutely agree. So like you said, it's compared to like sororities, I would say the fraternity Big bro is in like an informal relationship. In a sense. When I joined, I was told that the role of my big bro is not necessarily like you have to be best friends with this person, their role is to get me adapted. So what life is like in a fraternity to understand the inner workings of a fraternity how to run a fraternity and all the little important things, but not so much, you know, to have for me to like and be my best friend. I mean, if you guys do end up best, like my big bro is one of my best friends. And if it happens, like that's great, but that's not the like a requirement almost.

Angela 17:57

So really what you're saying is we need you to open up that fraternity group chat and text and ask why he picked you up to be fair. Yeah, he would, he would probably be able to answer that question more than me as Brian puts his phone down. I

Jae 18:08

mean, you've continually said to all be cutting that out anyway, were we not allowed to say well, we always go with if we're not if the person has not given us active permission, we don't do it. Yes, maybe that new girlfriend would because she's you still didn't answer my question. How did he reveal Himself to you

Brian 18:22

through an event? I can't go into more detail about that. Unfortunately, it's it's one of our like secrets. Yes, that's all I can give you.

Angela 18:31

Okay, we respect your ritual.

Brian 18:33

I can tell you that I he did not decorate my room with streamers and loving guests like

Angela 18:41

Starbucks and give you facemasks

Brian 18:43

he did not he did not obviously he's kind of shitty Big Bro, I should probably find a new one. I actually really liked our process the way we did things. And some of its kept the same throughout the years some of it changes some of the traditions change some of its kept pretty pretty as far as consistent as possible. And for me, I liked the surprise of everything. It was all part of the experience. That's definitely something in the fraternity that we try to keep secret not so much that it's a crazy illegal thing, but rather because you don't want to ruin the experience for the new guys essentially.

Jae 19:17

So when they all stole the cars together your big would be the one with the tools to help out so you could go on your car chase like Fast and Furious. Is that how those movies work? I've never seen them basically. Uh, there were no car jackings to my knowledge

Angela 19:34

no stealing paintings from the loo. Only on Wednesday fair enough. Okay, so you're through the rush process you now have a big bro What are Greek events life like from like a fraternity guys experience like how do you guys view socials

Brian 19:49

oh boy so socials as a as an active member of that fraternity I'm no longer pledge correct

Angela 19:55

whichever whichever one you want was the is there a difference from like how you viewed them when you were up? And then when you were an active

Brian 20:01

Yes So even as an active in the fraternity I was a social chairman. So I was in charge of setting up a lot of these events and like I said pledges there their goal is to learn about the fraternity and try to get used to it meet everybody, like slowly become part of the Brotherhood. Their job isn't really to have to set up these events to like run them but as an active member that like that kind of becomes your job. So for me, I set up I think for the time I was social chair, I set up six socials with like different sororities, they were a lot of work most of the work is done by the attorney at least on our campus. During my time there we took the space for them that was something that I had to handle the type of event depending on what type of event it was, I had to get the materials planned out the time and by materials What do you mean like can be different things for one of the sororities on our campus? It was like a book collection kind of thing. We donated a bunch of kids and we like we wrote them cards and stuff and did like some exercises and stuff for them.

Angela 21:03

Oh, that's like a really sweet social

Brian 21:06

Yeah, the the story that we did it with how to their philanthropy had a lot to do with reading. So that's why we decided to go in that direction.

Jae 21:14

I remember I don't know if this is a social chair one or two after you. But it was one of the first socials I went to with your guys's fraternity. And we got gifts on the way out. That

Angela 21:24

is always really nice when that happens.

Brian 21:26

Ah, that must have been after me. I'm not entirely sure. I'm not entirely sure what the event was. And but he gave you guys. Yeah,

Angela 21:33

I think with with your letters on I think it was a like a Halloween costume contest. Okay,

Brian 21:39

I I have to say, though, that with the costs, I've heard from different schools that like they split things, even even at our school, we took a for attorneys took a huge brunt of the cost for a lot of like the socials, at least from what, during my time as social Chairman, I don't know if that experience like that changed.

Jae 22:00

That was not my experience at all. If anything, I knew we were getting more of the money, at least for some of the bigger things. But also during my times with social, some of them were a letdown to go to because it felt like there was a strong lack of communication about planning anything. So it really depended on who the social chair was at the time to coordinate something fun, but I felt like the budgets were pretty much split down the middle to my awareness.

Angela 22:26

I honestly I can see it going both ways. I think that it does have a lot to do with what the event is. And then also just per the realities of Greek life, and specifically Greek life on our campus. I think it also has to do with a level of excitement associated between the two organizations that will be socializing together, because I know that there's definitely one event that we had with a fraternity that neither one of us I think was really excited about. And so it was incredibly low budget. I think we just ran around campus on a scavenger hunt. I had to take photos on our phone of things. And then it ended up being like one of the most fun socials that we had you were

Jae 23:08

there. Well, I think we did that a few times.

Angela 23:11

Oh, the one I'm thinking of specifically is the one where everyone tried to clamor for the hot team. And then I ended up on the Hot team.

Jae 23:19

Which sisters were you with?

Angela 23:20

Yeah, I think I was with two new members. And then I had like four members of the hosting fraternity. Yes, everyone. And for full disclosure, as Jay is holding this back, her team actually won the social scavenger hunt.

Yes, as most teams

Brian 23:33

I am actually not that you guys mentioned about the budget now that I'm remembering all this again, one of the issues that we had is that dues were very expensive. It's very expensive. They've been around for attorney, that's just the truth of it. You have a lot of insurance and everything. The cost for us, you know, since we're at a university that doesn't do official housing, I believe it was it was like three 400 a quarter

Angela 23:54

that's that's about what we pay it as well, the giant chunk of

Brian 23:57

that goes to insurance, our insurance per person is actually like pretty high. So when it came to socials, my social budget for the entire year was I think, like $80 I had $80 to work with. So whenever we wanted anything more than that, which I mean $80 is like one of that maybe like less than one of it. I had to go around and collect money from the guys. So I had to individually go around and collect money whereas I know it's sororities it has to come directly out of the social budget if they don't at least depends on the sorority right? I know a lot of people will like only be allowed and use it like they can't go around and actively collect money from like sisters for an event.

Jae 24:35

Yeah, it depends. I know my senior year we went all inclusive. So it did do that. The other years it was a thing of if you want to go you have to pay which I see both perspectives. Did we have insurance all Greek Life has to have insurance. So that's it's it's all part of your dues your breakdown.

Yeah, we definitely did. But I can see from a football fraternity, yours might be more expensive.

Brian 24:56

It's a lot more so and to keep more members in fraternity because if included all that social budget stuff like a larger social budget that would increase our dues and if it increased serve like like quarterly dues then we're going to be able to afford that so we try to like make things a little cheaper like bare minimum in the dues so that more people could afford being in the fraternity

Jae 25:16

house socialist

Okay, so when you are not acting as social chair just attending socials What do you think yay nay pass fail think it's

Brian 25:25

it's what you make of it. You could have an event that is not as well put together but as long as every like the types of people that are there are fun, outgoing talking intermingling, it can become a successful event. The event itself is almost like an icebreaker in the sense and I personally enjoyed them. I met a lot of people through socials just a lot of friends through socials So yeah, I enjoyed them.

Angela 25:50

What was your favorite social you posted and your favorite social you ever went to?

Brian 25:54

During my first several quarters? I was in my fraternity? We actually didn't have that many socials if any, to be honest with you, we I think we had maybe one social during my first two quarters as in the fraternity and when I picked up the position of social Chairman I wanted to change that so that was my the sole reason why I actually picked up I was like, I want to see more socials happening these are social fraternities and sororities there should be more like through six within I think the span of six months drove all my brothers absolutely insane because that's like more event more time or money like everyone has to put in and I'm like, I'm planning a lot of it. And I think my favorite event is probably we threw the electric Carnival was a very fun one. It was just meant to be almost like play off of Electric Daisy Carnival, the EDC of that we did like neon lights, body paint, maybe black lights everywhere kind of look like a mini rave. Wait,

Angela 26:46

but wasn't that a fundraiser for your philanthropy? Not a social or did you do it multiple times first

Brian 26:51

year that we did it was just as a social with one of the sororities we realized that was a good event. So then the next year, we decided to reuse that same event, but instead be able to raise money for a good cause for philanthropy. First a trial thing as a social and then we we grew it to something larger. I feel like annual themes were really big on our campus. I mean, you find what works and I think you just continue what you kind of want to make it yours. You kind of want to make it your own brand that like certain fraternities have certain events, or they'll just be associated with that specific fraternity

Jae 27:23

is speaking of it, yes, these are social organizations. But Ladies and gentlemen, guys, actually a philanthropy is to think care about things without going into more detail than you have what what was your philanthropic event or events to surround your event,

Brian 27:39

that's why I joined the specific fraternity I actually really like their philanthropic event, we raise money for a city of hope Cancer Research every year would be quite a large sum to at least buy on our this our campus standard. So it'd be anywhere between 30 grand to 40 grand one year at one point. And then we have little events surrounding the big main event that just helped fundraise over and over like an entire year was a lot of work, we actually put a lot of time into each little event just to contribute to that larger sum.

Angela 28:10

Would you say most of the money raised was by organizations and by like donor sums or more from our campus community in smaller amounts,

Brian 28:20

it changed quite a bit. So we would get there were there were some incidences where we had large donations actually come in. And then there were other occasions where we just were able to raise money through like a bunch of smaller, almost like a crowdfunding type of situation, like a lot of selling smoothies or something on campus to raise money, like a bunch of those events.

Angela 28:42

I do have to say if you just think about the general Greek life community on a college campus, every one of those organizations has a philanthropy that they're championing that they're raising money for throughout the year. And generally, most of the people who are attending those events and like contributing toward that fundraising process are from other Greek organizations. So collectively, like we have a lot of money going out to some really good causes. Absolutely. I

Brian 29:08

think that's one of the things I really liked about Greek life. It was a community that would show up, contribute and help raise money for other fraternities and sororities to us. It wasn't just about yourself, it was about the community and in general, maybe a sorority would come out and support one of our fundraisers and we would definitely make an effort to show up and support There's in general I think it's it's it's supporting a cause and it's like a ripple effect.

Jae 29:31

Did you ever participate in our organizations event?

Brian 29:34

Yeah, I actually wasn't a part of the aquatic section voluntarily. My my bros grabbed me and just threw me in the pool.

Angela 29:42

I thought I thought after this we were gonna have to go searching for some secret serenade footage or something like that.

Brian 29:48

No, no, no, I did donate quite a bit fundraising games that were played during the aquatic

Jae 29:53

not to be like the social justice warrior woke police PC person here. I think it is great how much we were able To give back to organizations have been knowing that a lot of that money was circulating within the members of the Greek organizations mean, we had that disposable money to just give to these organizations, regardless of already paying fees to be in these organizations, because I think it is great that minimally, I would say our campus, if you added up all of the philanthropies, not just IFC and Panhellenic did, but all of them at least six figures worth of income, but no one that's coming from students and all of us have that just to give to each other like, Oh, yeah, you came to our event. So I put like $5 in your jar, or I'll buy a shirt, or I'll do that we're circulating that money around ourselves and keeping it and again, it's going to great causes, but also enforces that you need that extra funding because like, I don't think you would ever get any direct comments. But it was definitely a thing for us, we had jars to put, like we talked about Penny wars, it definitely be a thing of like, everyone would just reach into their pockets and have a few bucks that they knew they didn't need for food or for bucks or that their financial aid check came out, they could every time they walked by throw in a few dollars. And if it was another organization, you would just pull out what you had and everyone always had. I think that's, that's a great point. So we talked about experiences in college experience, getting into your fetus stages into your early parents whole experiences with your mentor, aka your big bro. And then you graduate and you stayed around campus. You said you work. So you got a little extra time. And I think probably joining as a senior that was nice, because sorry, Angela, you didn't get the four year traditional experience. But because you stayed you got to have a little time on the other end, which must have been nice. What's your relationship like with your bros to this day?

Angela 31:37

before you answer that question, normalize making Greek life not a four year experience.

Brian 31:43

Some of the guys I I've kind of lost touch with side of social media. But there's a good group of 12 1314 guys that I'm like best friends with to this very day. And I think that's a that's a huge part of there's a I think that's, you know, a huge part of Greek life is the after college experience. So it's not just bonding, being friends with these guys during your time in college, but afterwards,

Angela 32:09

it's not just for years, it's for life. No, I think that's really great. Like, frankly, in our similar experience, relationships have really grown and strengthened and sometimes you even connect with people that you really didn't speak with during your collegiate Greek life who then become a bigger part of your life after that.

Brian 32:28

Yeah, because I think what Greek life really is when what it really boils down to is the people obviously, and after college, those people don't have to go away. You can still they'll be around them, be friends with them, keep in touch with them. The experience can continue.

Angela 32:42

You and some of your brothers you take like an annual trip together, right? Yeah, we

Brian 32:47

It started off as one of us getting married, start off as a bachelor party and then every year around the same day since then we try to take an annual trip together. That's been fun since

Angela 32:58

I like that. Jay, why don't we do anything like that? Because you always go with Megan fair, very fair. It's easy. Just you guys just need to start a big group chat. Keep that group chat active.

No more group chats? Yes. Oh, all of you listeners who have heard my group chat rants about the facetious jackass who repeatedly puts me in group chats. That's Brian. workshops, more fun. No one on one communication. I don't understand what's so difficult about that. It's more intentional.

Jae 33:29

I very much disagree. We could do a whole episode on this. I very much disagree on Angela stance. Sure, can they be overused, but I feel like her level of frustration with them. Like I don't understand again, her feelings are valid, but like I just mute a group chat if it's going off too much. And I read the part I want to read and I only consider myself liable for the part I do read. See,

Angela 33:50

I understand that and I do acknowledge that it is one of my irrational pet peeves. However, I'm one of those people who regardless of whether I'm hearing the chime, getting like the pop up notification seeing the banners like whatever, as long as I see the little red dot that says that I have an unread message somewhere that gets me I feel like I have to open it and then when I continually just see it pop up and then particularly with I think that new Instagram update where you need to scroll through the entire chat intentionally otherwise, like it'll continue to mark it as unread. That's incredibly annoying for me at least but I stand by it. Yeah, I

haven't had those notification on in years. I should probably unmute before I start talking again crazy thought but Angela as to semi mature adults. We can agree to disagree on group chats, but they have one very important function making plans plans such as fraternity formals, as we've already discussed multiple times, which happened in Vegas second home.

Brian 34:51

Yeah, I used to be quite a bit of a Vegas connoisseur during my time in college and time after college too.

Angela 34:58

So how many weekends in a row? Did you go

Brian 35:00

I seven teen I made 17 trips to Vegas in one year at a point yeah it's a little excessive

Angela 35:09

So at what point did your room start getting comp it happened here in there but

Brian 35:14

I started making a lot of those Vegas connections and important Vegas connections probably after my fourth fourth or fifth trip alright

Angela 35:22

so so really quick before we go back into frat formal life what what are some of those important Vegas connections?

Brian 35:29

I had to get to know like people who are you know promoters and clubs people work at work at Hotel they can always give you good rates and extra Benefits

Angela 35:37

Scheme members of the Corleone

family you're looking at me like I would get that reference

prints out all by the way just I just said maybe because that was the most in the middle answer I got. This is what happens when you sit with people

Jae 35:52

who can't make it through one movie at least I have streaming services our friend Brian over here does not have a Netflix Hulu Disney plus HBO x Showtime, EA AMC any sort of TV and or video format he does not use he'll occasionally use YouTube and video games but he does not stream anything which is completely wild to us because we have all of them

Brian 36:17

yeah, I might be the sole person in the in the world that does not have Netflix.

Angela 36:21

I know Ali Wong didn't either. And it's because she didn't want to pay for it after having two Netflix specials. That totally makes sense. Like at that point. If you're in a Netflix like especially an original project to original projects, they should be giving you free streaming for life.

Brian 36:35

Yeah, I mean, that sounds like a sponsorship essentially. Yeah, to be fair, I think I don't think it's even like a payment thing for me. I actually I've had access to Disney plus for the last three weeks. I've watched one movie on it. What movie? Oh blackwidow

Angela 36:48

Wait, so you paid extra to watch Black Widow with Disney premiere

Brian 36:52

so what happened was this one of my relatives their company had like a little outing thing where they all streamed Black Widow together and watched it together so the company paid for all their Disney plus access I'll pay for each individual Black Widow I was given access to it so yeah, I watched it and that's all I've used Disney plus for same thing with like HBO max I got HBO max to watch Kong Vs Godzilla and

Angela 37:16

things to watch you got HBO max specifically for Kong Vs Godzilla. Yeah, fight night. I mean, I guess what's better than watching that Logan Paul fight.

I'm very proud of you for having that reference.

Thank you. I actually honestly only know it because someone I was talking to on Bumble brought it up. Do you like them? No, that was the only conversation we had good if you

Jae 37:36

hear anything of the Paul brothers unmatched them immediately. That's insurrectionist in the making. Oh, yep, swipe left. Brian has a thing with connections. He gets free streaming services he gets free things in Vegas. What's a beginner's guide to Las Vegas since Angela is a bit of a connoisseur herself but compared to you she's still on like level four out of like King of Vegas almost should be getting sponsored by Vegas at some point to

Brian 38:00

be honest with you. There's different ways to go about it. I know people who they gamble a lot in Vegas and then they get a lot of free stuff because the gamble a lot I'm not much of a gambling person. So for a while I was enjoying nightclubs a lot whole Vegas party atmosphere. To be fair, it's it's it's a lot of taking care of people. So tipping people well getting people to recognize your name to know you. And you just develop relationships with people. So they're good, like life skills to have in general. Yeah, so essentially, I would say it's a it's a form of networking. It's essentially a form of networking. And last so

Angela 38:35

did these start with fraternity formal or did you build on top of these after formal trips to Vegas? Are you talking about my connections in Vegas? I guess kind of just Vegas all around like what was your What was your first introduction to Vegas?

Brian 38:48

Beyond the 17 times I've gone I've gone to Vegas, way more I would guess the number to be closer to over my lifetime maybe like 40 trips to Vegas. Oh,

Angela 38:58

okay, so first trip in college with your fraternity members.

Brian 39:03

Oof. That's hard. I I don't even know where to begin with that. I actually don't know if it was a fraternity formal event or if it was just a trip I decided to do I can't exactly remember Yeah, I mean that's that's that's hard to pinpoint when you've gone to Vegas so many times a short period.

Angela 39:18

Are you pulling what's what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas on us?

Brian 39:21

Oh, no, no, I legitimately cannot remember some of those trips or you know, but then you like blend together after a while. I can't Yeah, it's it's hard to for me to pinpoint like the start. I'd have to like go through photos.

Angela 39:32

I'll run through some questions when I try to jog your memory here. Sure. your very first fraternity formal event? Yes. It was in Vegas, correct? Yes. Who did you go with? Did you take anyone? Yes, I took a date. What What was that? Like? Did you know this person?

Brian 39:46

I knew this person a little bit wasn't someone I was super, like super familiar with. Yeah, but she was one of my friends. Friends.

Jae 39:53

I know we talked about this in another episode, but felt like the majority of the times that we were Thinking about attending fraternity, formal, it was always as some sort of setup with someone that we didn't necessarily know that we had either just met or would be meeting when we got to Vegas because a friend of a friend was setting us up because someone needed a date.

Brian 40:14

Yeah, I mean, that happens there. Are there people that you know, have dates, they know who they want to take they have a plan already set up. And there's people who don't who don't have a plan.

Angela 40:22

From your perspective. What's it? What's it like from from the side of a setup?

Brian 40:26

I'm gonna answer that question in a bit, I want to actually go back a little further back about the finding a date thing, okay, connected to something else we talked about, which is social events. We haven't a formal event coming, people like will usually push to have more social events leading up to that formal event. So you can meet people, you can figure out if there's somebody you want to take.

Angela 40:47

Okay, so it's like the more like organic way of like trying to set yourself up.

Brian 40:51

Yeah, you're giving yourself the most opportunity to succeed.

Angela 40:55

Well, that would have been such a great benefit of being social chaired, being like, Oh, crap, we have an event, I just need to start scheduling an event with every fraternity to matchmake. Myself and the sisters I'm close to that would have been genius. I never thought of it that way. But that definitely did happen around times, when events would be going on where the organizations would all start meeting up and doing more for either setups, or to help find dates, that definitely was a thing, just taking advantage of that.

Brian 41:19

Oh, yeah, no, absolutely. It's definitely strategic. It's it's done purposely, definitely. When I was social, that was something I had to keep in mind, I had to try and make sure that we had events leading up to small Events, Small social events leading up to like a big event, and that people took advantage and actually attended those events. So that was a that's a huge, that's a huge part. So

Jae 41:36

if you are a person who set up with someone that you don't know, as well, or if you're seeking out someone who you want to get to know better, do you have any advice for them? At the actual event? Go up and talk to that person? So simple, so direct,

Brian 41:51

absolutely. But that's me. Go up and talk to that person. It's it's not gonna just somehow organically happen if nothing is initiated whatsoever. So initiate it. Yeah,

Angela 42:01

Angela, just initiate it.

We don't want to talk about the times where I tried to just initiate it.

Brian 42:06

This looks like an interest conversation path. We're going down. Angela,

Angela 42:10

is it though have I don't even remember if I told this story on an earlier episode, but yeah, there was one time where I was at a fraternity event and I was talking to someone who I didn't know very well, but their organization's formal event was coming up in Vegas. And we talked for maybe about 10 minutes, and honestly, like the conversation wasn't going well at all. He'd said several passive aggressive things insulted my major implied that I was stupid for not wanting to take any math classes while in college, because I'm an English major, I was actively avoiding anything mathematically related. And then after that, as I'm like, slowly, trying to like inch away from him and get out of this conversation that's going nowhere. All of a sudden, he's asking what my plans are for the weekend. Have I ever been to formal? Do I want to go to formal don't drink the water? Yes.

Brian 43:01

I mean, aside from the lackluster conversation you had with him technically initiating work, technically. I mean,

Angela 43:10

I mean, yeah, technically, like I walked up to someone I started the conversation it happened, it led to an invitation just not one that I was willing to accept. So Brian, going back to what you said earlier about just initiating and being direct. What further advice can you give beyond that to actually transition that invitation into a field goal? touchdown, or the point ask it when?

Brian 43:36

I mean, that's just you read the room, I thank you see if there is actually any interest there at all. And yeah, shoot your shot.

Jae 43:47

So what do fraternity guys generally look for? For a formal date?

Brian 43:51

I think it's important to have someone choose someone you're like, comfortable with for sure. And I know that can kind of be hard if you're getting set up with a day and I think that's why there are horror stories with it. Because at the same time, let's let's switch roles, right? So instead of it's a fraternity formal event, let's say I'm going to a sorority formal event, at the end of the day, it's that girl's event and her sorority right it's not so much about me flipping it back for attorney formal event, I would want to take somebody would have fun, someone who I would not have to take care of and they're kind of like open to having a good time. It's very difficult if you take someone and you're trying to have a good time with your friends your brother's just the people that are at the event and you have someone who's like a bit of a Debbie Downer kind of thing situation. Who doesn't want to do this who doesn't want to and it's not like you know, big things. Maybe it's just little just walking down the strip together hanging out at dinner. Yeah,

Angela 44:45

I think like what you're saying is that it's most important to have someone who's interested and actively being there with you and experiencing formal, they're not just there for a trip to Vegas or to hang out with some other people that they know who might be going on the trip because Exactly. They're your date. Yeah, yeah,

Jae 45:03

I would say that so Angela brought this up in another episode and I think this is the most bizarre thing ever. So I want to know if you've ever had experiences with this. Did you or your bros give a shit about the luggage of your date? And or your own luggage?

Angela 45:17

Okay, so like literally like your suitcase Like what? You're packing all of your clothes, toiletries, hair, accessories, shoes, everything in for the weekend. luggage. I'm sorry, what was the question? And yeah. Have you or any of your brothers ever judged their date by the type of luggage that they brought? Whether it was like a backpack, a rolling suitcase? a duffel bag, the print of it like its general status, whatever. No, it's

Brian 45:48

it's it's never been like an issue. I I think at the time it's especially I think from especially being college students. I don't think we're really judged my at least I didn't experience any judgment or see judgment based on what you're bringing. Essentially, I've seen people bring stuff everything into a backpack. I've seen people stuff everything into tote. I don't think I've seen anyone put anything to grocery bags yet. But it could happen. It could happen. I mean, it works. It gets the job done.

Angela 46:16

It does. What actually some of those reusable grocery bags. Yeah,

Brian 46:19

be honest with you. It's It was almost like duffel bags, duffel, just duffel bags on duffel bags.

Angela 46:24

I'm not saying well, okay. No, it was actually a particular source of anxiety for me, because I didn't necessarily experience it in that way. But like on the car, like going to formal like picking up the other girls. There was one who particularly made a comment about that because her date complimented her suitcase. And she was like, Oh, thank God. Like I picked the right one. I was so nervous. I picked the wrong one. So that was the first time that I experienced that, but I definitely thought about it too, because I'm like, I'm bringing this super girly hot pink duffel bag, but like, whatever. It's what I have. I

Brian 46:58

mean, without knowing the entire situation of that. I could see myself complimenting someone's bag right after picking them up as kind of like an icebreaker like, make the mood less tense. Maybe Yeah, something just the start a conversation maybe Yeah. But personally, I don't think I've focused too much on the type of luggage they're carrying,

Angela 47:20

and then go into formal or any other event like that. Did anyone ever make you a cooler?

Brian 47:25

Me specifically know it from what I saw tend to be if you're like a couple Oh, definitely a couple thing. So if you're a couple and you're going to their formal or something like that, though, they might make you something that's definitely too much of commitment for people that are just especially if you're getting set up with a date. And by the way, I'm really glad we clarified the luggage question because that is not what I thought you guys were asking me what did you think we were? Well I confused luggage with baggage and you asked about your dates baggage about your own baggage. I'm thinking like wow, are we really going into this? So my answer was about to be out that's why I tried to like clarify with you like what you meant by it.

Angela 48:12

Oh my god, can you imagine like like going through like some sort of setup process like that like generally like you asked five questions and then it's Do you want to go too formal with me and imagine if one of those questions was please unpack your childhood trauma for me to see if we can spend the weekend together?

Jae 48:29

Yeah, no, I had never heard of that until Angela brought it up in another episode apparently but she made it sound like all guys were very aware and girls needed to be very conscious of what they were bringing, because it was a point of contention and judgment from their date which was like it was very surprising so you as a male in a fraternity I thought could shed some light on if this is a universal thing or Angela's observations?

Angela 48:50

Well no, that was just that was my real life experience and witnessing it but I had heard from some other people before and like seeing like some of those like Greek life articles and like spoken to people at other schools so maybe it is something elsewhere but I had heard before that like the type of luggage

you bring mean something

Brian 49:07

I don't think I would judge someone on the type of luggage they brought unless they brought way too much of it. Yeah, that they bring like you know 250 pounds suitcases for three days Vegas trip weekend. I that would be a little concerning. Just because you can't fit everything in the car.

Angela 49:22

Yeah, that makes sense. And also for listeners perspective all of this happened in what like 2015 that was a long time ago things have dramatically changed since then.

Brian 49:32

Yeah, but like with your that one experience too. I wonder if it's you know if the luggage was large I cuz I can definitely if a girl brought a giant luggage suitcase I could definitely look at that and like oh my god, it's really big in my head and then think oh, yeah, nice. Nice bag, by the way. Say that almost sarcastically facetiously kind of thing.

Angela 49:53

See, that's that's how I kind of thought of it as well because I was like, oh God, like I'm cramming myself into a car with like six people. We're all Bringing suitcases. So I stuffed everything into this itty bitty tiny backpack. Please hold everything I need for the weekend so that no one thinks that mum noxious Li taking up too much space in their car. But yeah, speaking of nothing, absolutely nothing. J Do you have a favorite Brian story to tell?

Jae 50:17

I mean, there are just so many lovely memories to choose from Wait, yikes, I would say, Oh gosh, there are just so many to choose from. I feel like there are a few days in particular. One of them was for this infamous birthday party we've spoken about in many episodes of Angeles twin, where Brian torqued on a wall and our big apartment and another one would probably be when my big and her now husband came up from Li for their engagement. And it was one of my introductions to what brunching with would look like and the aftermath of brunching. with Ryan, whatever your name is Brian Brian.

Angela 50:53

Yes. I can't confirm those things happened. x. Excellent response. Thank you, Brian. Oh, you're welcome. I definitely needed to unmute you for that. Let's see, I think my favorite Brian story is I think my favorite is one that you don't even remember, but we talked yesterday. And we were at a warrior's game. And we were sitting next to this like nice, sweet little old couple, and they were talking to you. And apparently you were so interested in the game. You didn't realize what they were saying. But they were asking if we were a couple and at one point you just you nodded and said yes. And then they started giving you relationship advice for us. And he just kept nodding, and agreeing and saying like, Yes, absolutely. Like Thank you. Like, that's so wonderful. And you're so engrossed in the game, you didn't know what to say. So and I feel like we've had a few of those moments like not necessarily like where you've accidentally confirmed Uber a couple, but where you've been so engrossed, and other things that are happening, you're like, yes, like, let's do it amazing. And then we'll talk about it later. Like what happened

Brian 51:59

to be honest with you, I'm not the best multitasker and some part of me is going to start going on to autoresponse so I can I can only assume that that's what happened in those specific incidences.

Angela 52:09

Yeah, similarly, like your auto response to like everything that people send you on Instagram. Well, I

Brian 52:15

mean, I I do that as a form of acknowledging that I saw what you sent me. It's also partly to because I feel like people would feel bad like you would feel bad if you send someone in some sent something to somebody and they like just didn't like it. So I try to be nice and like like things, just a nice person in me. But now the secret's out. So if my likes are just for actually genuine or if they're more so

Angela 52:41

compulsory, you'll never know.

Brian 52:44

Sure, compulsory is a nice way to put hit. You get

Jae 52:47

more than three legs in a row with no messages. No probably what you're sending isn't that good. And on that note,

Angela 52:53

thank you for listening to this episode of in Omnia paratus Don't forget to rate download and follow Apple Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts also,

Jae 53:03

thank you Brian for coming on the podcast. Normally Angela remembers to mute herself and thank our guests as I'm trying to be but apparently I will do that. So thank you, Brian, for coming on.

Brian 53:16

Yeah, thanks, guys. It's it's been it's been a fun experience

Angela 53:19

as always where you lead will follow so head on over to @inomniapod on Instagram, and let us know what you want to hear about

Brian 53:27

and you can find Angela's only fans.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai