Episode 50: Hooray! It’s Jae’s Birthday!

Jae 0:00

I pledge myself to the pod loyal I'll always be a p to start a D at the end and an O sitting in between. Welcome back to In Omnia products I'm Jae The belated birthday girl 72 hours late for you but like we're in the countdown six days of birthday week for us.

Angela 0:23

And I'm Angela also known as AVO

Jae 0:25

you should have been Angela best friend of bfo to TV I should think about that

it's fine next year

Angela 0:32

we have it ready now

Jae 0:34

exactly so when thinking of what I wanted to do for my birthday episode I thought of like various things to do for my case favorites to I'm just gonna like spring it on Angela like rapidfire pick from a hat kind of topics like whatever felt fun but then I was like looking forward to look back on like this episode I don't know if I'll do this ever again. So I think it'd be really cool to like time capsule the lessons I've learned I did it cliche like 2525 and then 26 thing for 26 kind of like a resolution but more like a bring forth intention I think would be a better way of phrasing that

Angela 1:08

I like it I feel like you're doing you're doing the better take on like those two key articles 25 things I wish I had known before most of these

Jae 1:17

are going to be similar of the same vein in terms of mental health because these aren't things like what did I learn at 25 I learned that like for once and for all i do have longer legs than Angela like that's applicable information to everyone. So these are more like internal work and I tried to keep it between 25 so October of 2020 to October of 2021 with a little bit of like overlap and things I think mental health is super important and I think every year we want to be better than the year before and whatever that takes for us and takes to encourage and uplift those around us is really important to some of these to you might sound repetitive because there are some very similar themes but each one of these points is on here because like intentionally that particular one made a difference for me and I'm not really looking for opinions on this episode. Here here. Okay? Should we start jazzing you'd like to say I'm just

Angela 2:07

super excited for the countdown to birthday week Yes, which which will end with that's where I'm really excited today well

Jae 2:13

worth Today's the one week mark seven days till birthday.

Angela 2:16

I know, I have so much to plan still.

Jae 2:19

The first thing again, I learned these things in therapy, my therapist that doesn't really like with me, which is things can be real and not true or but not true. And I think it kind of goes online to things we talked about what like your perspective and when you're having a conversation with someone how like for you, your feelings are valid, as we always say, but it's like for you your experience is real, what you're going through and what your body is going through is a real thing for you. However, it's not necessarily absolute truth from every angle, what I think is validating and also kind of will widen a perspective on something at the same time. Definitely.

Angela 2:52

And I feel like one of the hard takeaways for people in that vein is that sometimes when you say like sometimes when they hear Oh, that's true for you, but also it can feel a little bit diminishing, but it's not meant to be diminishing, it's meant to like help you hold space for what you're currently feeling. So then you still feel like you can adjust your perspective later on without working within altered narrative. It's like both things are true.

Jae 3:20

I'm a very literal black and white thinker. So I'm trying to break in and trying to kind of look at more exceptions and not make things so right and wrong. Is the distinction between the words real and true. Because truth is, to me more universal, absolutely true. get vaccinated. True truth, your birthday is on December 31. what's real is holiday birthday suck. You can argue it's a truth and many people might however everyone might not.

Angela 3:47

This is some very, very fun growth j I'm calling this 50 shades of j that's a little weird. I think it works. You're expanding your black and white thinking you're expanding your black and white wardrobe.

Jae 3:57

Thank you. I'm trying Okay, number two, this one I've been working on for a while, it's very difficult. And I think it's good in any sort of relationship, parent, child friends, significant other, I don't know what their kind of relationships between humans etc. That would be this relevant of siblings, I guess, I don't know, give 100% of your 50%. So it's just a reminder, the interrelationship I'm not trying to throw Apple like good for you. But like whatever relationship you're in to, you have an equal portion with the other person in a respectful relationship, but all you have control over is your 50%. So have your 50% give it your all, but don't take the other person's 50% or go into the other person's 50%. And the easiest way for me to kind of like give a tangible example of this is for a while when Angela and I kind of were building to one of our large fights. All our conversations went well when I read this in your voice. I thought you were this and then you were going to respond like this. So I responded like this to cut out the response that I was going to get like this, which had nothing that we actually said in it and we were both wrong but because as you heard from our assumptions episode we were kind of conditioned and reiterated and confirmed and validated oh you two think alike are the same you can do all of these you can read each other's minds and shorthand we can't but when we're trying to have our own interactions that really cause problems because when I would get a text like well I thought you were mad at me so I said this to respond but I wasn't mad it got me mad. So I think remembering like boundaries for yourself and then remembering what part is your own in a relationship

Angela 5:33

and then also from assumptions just ask don't assume

Jae 5:37

that to number three PSA, just do things for your health, mental, physical, spiritual, whatever that means for you just do it for me during the pandemic and since then I've tried to and mostly committed to working out five to six days a week I've done dance cardio I've done Hey, I've done I'm now kind of in a weight training strength training phase that I really like but just do things for your mental health last year on October 23 80 days left of the year so kind of like if you saw the 75 hard challenge which to me is ridiculous, but they're just kind of iteration like make your own things for the last 80 days which is where I started a lot of the habits I'm still continuing such as the drinking water when I gave up I'm not gonna lie. It's why I started reading books. It's why I started meditating. It's why I started journaling and coming into the new year I altered some of those things because knowing the vaccine roll it what's going to happen and certain things I was like I can't commit to all of these things all the time so I'm showing myself grace, but like knock on wood I've journaled 42 weeks straight of the year and hopefully I can continue for the last 10 and just continue at once a week because I think it's really fun to do and I think it is good when you can kind of brain dump and then you can see it back when you feel like it or not I don't think there's much benefit to necessarily agree reading your journals get I know people can tell me if I'm wrong on that one but that's about it for that one. I like it number number four think less do more for all of us over thinkers for whatever reasoning you do it anxiety depression, fitting in daddy issues, mommy issues, abandonment issues, imposter syndrome, whatever it is, just think less do more and kind of going with that is glutton, Doyle's very simple but very good reminder of we can do hard things. So just reminding yourself you have the capability to do hard things and hard things are obviously subjective to who you are, but you have the ability to do them

Angela 7:21

a very difficult lesson for anyone to learn

Jae 7:23

number five take up space take up more space than you necessarily need to especially for women don't take up more space than you need but be willing to take up spaces that you're in. And then number six is the reverse of that hold space for others while you're taking up your space. Make sure a little corner of that is for you to also hold space for what the people in your life and people you respect and you care about are also going through because if you also take up all the space and you like violet beauregarde and turn into the blueberry then there's no space and everyone else around you is suffocated

Angela 7:54

and then you're doing exactly what you felt was being done to you to others and that's not really breaking the cycle that's just upholding it.

Jae 8:03

Number seven, communicate again with the assumptions. Just communicate from the smallest thing of Hey, are you mad at me? Hey, I heard that kind of weird. Some people don't need that level of communication because they don't take things as sensitively and they don't need that good for you if you're one of those people. I'm not so like I would prefer if Angeles said something or something's off with her vibe or something for me like hey, like is something okay if something not okay, because things a lot of times things outside of what my relationship with Angela like what's happening with us like something happened at work. Something happened with someone she's dating Something happened with their friend and for Angela that oh reads on her. So when I say something and then I get a reaction that's not of the nature it would normally come from. I'm like, What did I do? But sometimes it's not about me mostly, it's not about me, honestly. Correct. I

Angela 8:52

just have no poker face.

Jae 8:53

Yes. But it's better to just communicate than interpreted. Or same with me. Like when Angela sees my face. And I'm like being a little faster than Shrek hair. We Okay, it's like, it has nothing to do with you. But I'm kind of sassy right now. So the other person doesn't internalize it. It just makes it a little bit clear. Because then you're all on the same page.

Angela 9:11

Exactly. No, I think that there was a really great tech talk. I don't you honestly probably sent it to me. But it was about this mother who was describing an interaction between a father and daughter and I think the daughter was maybe like four or five years old. And she like asked her dad a question and he yelled at her and then like, walked away. And then instead of like freaking out, she just turned to her mom and she was like, I don't know what emotion that is. I don't understand what happened. And so then her mom was like, okay, like, you know, let's go ask him and see and I think that we forget that we're still encountering new emotions and new experiences throughout our lives. So even as an adult, it's okay to say I don't understand what just happened

Jae 9:52

that and then also the reverse of that what happens in childhood doesn't stay in childhood is another one of my therapists favorite phrase. Like I've only recently meaning in the last like year and a half and hearing about all of these like inner child work and I don't know if it's always been called that it makes sense basically reading learning as an adult to reparent yourself from whatever it was that in your childhood you needed that was not received whether it's because your child of divorce your child of multiple siblings and you're not the favorite, whatever your family dynamic was that certain needs of yours weren't met and then the stories you told yourself about those and we need to heal those as adults henceforth this list and why I'm doing this episode number eight is a big one for me I have a tendency to suppress my emotions because emotions are big and they're scary, they shouldn't be big and scary emotions just are it's how we interpret and respond to them that kind of makes them big and scary but for me like my anxiety is something that my therapist told me that I've been trying to kind of continue with this like when you have anxiety it means your heart is in it you don't get anxious about things that don't matter to you so you can get nervous about things and I'm not saying if you have nerves they don't matter but when you have like anxiety like you're anxious about going on a flight or about getting married or having kids or about like buying a house getting a job whatever it may be you're anxious about things that don't matter to you so for me trying to reconnect to my emotions into my body into my heart when I do get anxious and feel very out of control. It's a sign that like no you're doing something and this matters to you so make space for this thing

Angela 11:23

Honestly, I yes, I completely agree with that point. But also just in terms of your reconnecting with your emotions. This is gonna sound bad for a minute but I've never really seen you express happiness unless we're in a public setting and I feel like that's something that's been happening a lot more when it's just the two of us you're a lot more connected to showing when you're excited when you're happy like when you're content we are

Jae 11:49

getting there.

Angela 11:50

I know but it's just it's so excited. Oh

Jae 11:52

I mean like we're getting there on the list.

Angela 11:54

Oh sorry my bad this is what you

Jae 11:56

don't go to the movies with Angela frankly you shouldn't go with me either because the thing is like Angela will read the synopsis before the movie I'll tell you the bad guys gonna jump out like 30 seconds before he does don't get rid of the scare for

Angela 12:08

you which is why we go to the movies together remember turtles comes

Jae 12:11

out soon

Angela 12:11

yes Rob Stark am Jon Snow for the win. We'll get you there Don't worry

Jae 12:17

Richard Madden Prince Charming Yes, that's not the football player right correct. STEVE MADDEN no that's the shoe person

Angela 12:25

I know what you're talking about but I don't know which Madden that is for football Peyton no that's Peyton Manning

Jae 12:32

Okay, we're gonna start with number nine show people you care particularly intentionality in the way that they receive it so this isn't me trying to air all of Angelina is past and obviously if we were still going through this we wouldn't really be publicly speaking about it but I think it's helpful at least for both of us when we try to understand to have examples analogies, whatever so like a big thing for me I remember when learning this lesson that was a very confusing lesson for me to learn it's like whenever I go out for a Starbucks boba whatever I would always bring Angela back something I knew I was going to see her every time and she didn't do that and it's not like wow you're so mean You're so rude like you didn't do it was more of a thing of like I'm showing Angela like I appreciate her and I'm thinking about her and I oh she's studying I know this this like I made all of these reasons of why I was doing it and then when it wasn't done for me what Flipside was she doesn't feel all of those things because she did she would do it too, which isn't the case because when I told Bob something, I don't really care like it's nice, but it's not like what for me is a gauge or a measure of how I see our friendship growing or something that our friendship needs to sustain

Angela 13:37

Yeah, and I think that's something that's not just on you either because similarly like it went the same way for me I was not necessarily to the extent that I was if I don't receive this Jay doesn't care but it's like how do you not understand that I care because I'm doing everything that I would want to see from someone to know that they care and those just don't line up for us and that was a really big journey and

Jae 13:59

I think the thing is to realize it's both like sometimes I will still give Angela coffee because for me but the difference is now she knows that's one of the ways I show I care but then also I bought her the best gifts that will only be ruled out by her engagement ring and like even though that is another gift there were so much thought put into the gift I know that mattered a lot more to her. So it's like do both do ways that you naturally like to show your people you care and hopefully they can receive that that's you showing people you care and try to do it in the ways that they're also going to receive it that like hits the bull's eye every time

Angela 14:31

I know you hit so many boxes with that gift you did really well. I'm like personally I'm freaked out for this year because I don't know what I'm how I'm going to hit as many boxes for you.

Jae 14:41

I mean, I told you that's the last gift until like I can afford like something from like cardia I have no clue like that was the perfect thing. I could do some I don't know. I don't even know what you're getting this year. Honestly.

Angela 14:53

You have time. I have six days. Yeah, I know I have a lot of little things for you. But I don't have I don't have a V thing.

Jae 14:59

Do you have the 20 Six Little things like the advent calendar

Angela 15:02

oh no I thought about making you one but I didn't know how I would get it on the plane fair

Jae 15:06

enough number 10 something we talk about often airplane masks but the mask on yourself before you can put the mask on others and I never really understood that particularly when it came to like toddlers they can't do it themselves why would you do your your own first and then what I was realizing and then what got pointed out to me obviously like if you're trying to ration air while putting the mask on your toddler and you can't successfully do it and then you pass out and you don't even do theirs then you both could die rather than if you could do yours quickly because you are an adult who can do that quickly you have a much higher transom also saving the child well i'm sure in terms of adults like hey if you're an adult Hunger Games, every man for themselves every human for themselves, but with kids it was a little harder and I was like okay, it's the

Angela 15:47

same thing with your friends obviously you build such close relationships there but at the same time it's like you can't help anyone if you can't help yourself

Jae 15:54

I think that's a lifelong journey because it's like like when I know there's a moment where Andrew really needs me I try to give as much as I can however unfortunately at this current moment we both need a lot like not me yeah we have complicated lives currently we do have relatively complicated lives internally and externally so what's so hard about that is like I going back to community I try to be as direct with Angela when I do when I don't have space to be her person to vent to or complain about work or to call I try to make that very clear to her like hey, if you really need me and we both know like we have our red emergency buttons like which is like I need you to drop everything but we know because the other person trusts we want to respect to not hit that button unless like shits going down.

Angela 16:35

Exactly it literally is like the nuclear football grace. Oh no, like I'm like nevermind we'll talk about this one later.

Jae 16:42

Um, number 11 journal in some capacity I think journaling is good for you. I think writing down is a good way I think there's the site Oh no, it's actually public. Nevermind it's called unread texts where people like will text in the messages they want to say that they're loved but like they knew wasn't going to send to them not really what I meant. Oh yeah, but just like write down your thing and write down what you want to say before you say it. Write down how you're feeling write down what you're doing, because one no one ever has to read it, too. It just sometimes can help you work out some of the kinks like why am I writing this? I don't know why I'm writing this like like monkey monkey under suit

Angela 17:11

underwear dumpling monkey monkey underpants There we go. Yeah, the one thing I would just add on to that is physically write it get a pen a piece of paper don't put that in your phone notes. Don't write the email that you're not going to send because it's too easy to still send those

Jae 17:26

i mean i think yes, I mean definitely don't put an ascender I think though like sometimes for me when I'm like really amped up I do it in my phone because I can do it faster. But when I'm in a headspace to intentionally journal and also I think like ideally I think when you do it physically it's going to be the best however if you're someone who hates journaling, who doesn't journal who doesn't like to write and whatever way you can do it if you have to do the angry email if you have to do the tax if you have to do whatever be extra careful but I think whatever is gonna make you and encourage you to connect internally do it that way drawn angry picture whatever I'm in the vein of whatever you need to do for you in terms of getting getting thought to site I'll try I'm still in Boomer land over here number 12 care about others about yourself about the planet about the animals the dolphins the sea turtles babies genocide the elderly the next generation the previous generations just care

Angela 18:23

more all the things all the time number 13

Jae 18:27

since these are things that happen from the year of 2020 to 2021 that I think have helped my life immensely and I think many others brigade on pages on the list I'm assuming most of you will know who he is if you don't know him by name he is the person who played the Duke in the bridgerton series attract

Angela 18:43

okay so what what lesson has the Duke taught you this year? I'm very curious

Jae 18:47

man exists in the world like that. That's what it taught me

Angela 18:51

true. He does look very good Yeah,

Jae 18:53

I mean that's about it. I don't know all right, and he does a decent American accent because I think on for the people he had an American accent if

Angela 19:00

I recall right I always forget he was on for the people like

Jae 19:03

that show. He was just on a bad time it was on Monday night.

Angela 19:06

They just don't set it up for success.

Jae 19:08

I know Donna maybe they already bridgerton plan john does kind of like the MCU where she is to have all of her tentacles working at the same time. Very true. Um, 14 like a reminder. Depression is kind of when you are stuck in the past and anxiety is fearing for the future. Like I never understood the distinction till my therapist broke it down for you like that. And then kind of reflecting on which moments I felt which I was like, oh, like that makes sense. Because like you're depressed because you're longing for something that's already gone. And when you're anxious, you're fearful of something of what could happen. Comments, questions, concerns,

Angela 19:37

that's just a heavy one. Oh, really? Oops. I haven't had my coffee yet. My mind can't touch that one. But I agree with

Jae 19:47

you. Number 15. I'm sure you'll also go to the doctor, go to the dentist go to a chiropractor and acupuncturist therapist, particularly doctor and dentist if you have health insurance. To me it is like disrespectful to not go to the doctor and not go to the dentist I know plenty of peers probably most of you listening to this who do not go to the doctor or the dentist just go because you have the insurance for it and the whole point of going to these places is to invest in your health later on because I know none of you lost maybe like half of you floss ish but like go to the dentist go to the doctor particularly specifically to those of you who have health insurance because it is a gift I'm turning 26 which is in this United States the year I get kicked off my mom's health insurance and I'm very much worried for what's going to happen after so please take advantage okay we're gonna get married that's fine oh geez please take advantage of these resources people please go to the doctor go to the dentist preventative care is much more worth your time than treating whenever you could have

Angela 20:46

adult cavities I hear they suck I've never had one but you don't want one I've never heard of well I you know it's just like an adult cavity versus like cavity and your baby tooth because you're going to lose your baby tooth so it's not necessarily the end of the world but you don't get any more teeth after these you get dentures or veneers or that both of which are like 1000s of dollars keep your teeth go to the dentist here here

Jae 21:08

number 16 there is a new song in the dear Evan Hanson movie that broke me like no song really has ever in my entire life that I think for people who have anxiety any sort of kind of block from I want to say from society because I'm not like I'm not like not part of society. I'm really underplaying it but there's a new song of the dear Evan Hanson co written by amandla Steinberg called the anonymous ones which for lack of a better phrase like hit in a different way for me that I think although it like broke me simultaneously like helped me heal it is the second verse personally attacking me it's a personal attack Do you remember it? Let me see Yeah, Yeah,

Angela 21:48

I do. I mean, honestly, for me, like the entire movie felt like a personal attack just like the way that my anxiety has ramped up in like the past two years. I was like, I feel like

Jae 21:58

yes, you know, there are problems with the movie and certain things but that is not what we are mentioning in this episode. And again, birthday episode talk about it. And another one dm Angela, I found the lyrics basically, I will just read the words I'm not going to sing. That wouldn't be pleasant for anyone. But

Angela 22:16

yeah, I'm the only one who sings on the podcast.

Jae 22:18

Would you like to sing this?

Angela 22:20

Good thank you.

Jae 22:21

So the verse that really got me was about the girl who stays in motion spin so fast if she won't fall world spinning so fast, too fast. She's built a wall of her achievements to keep out the question without an issue worth anything at all. I like felt that so deeply my gut I was like, Oh my god, what is this like they felt like they had picked out my brain and articulated something I could have never articulated myself or I wasn't able to articulate myself and the whole ironic thing is the name of the song was called the anonymous ones. So it's about feeling like no one's having your experience, but the lyrics hit so close to home I'm sure for so many people that it's kind of a good reminder that like if I felt this and clearly I've never met past Paul, Amanda Steinberg, Ben Platt anyone who worked on this movie, there's a reason that resonated and will resonate with people I recommend the song if you're mentally in a place for it's a very nice song, but like I wouldn't like let's do it for fun. I have to cut dear Evan Hanson out of my life soundtrack when I'm not feeling the best. Because like, it's not the best musical to like, uplift you.

Angela 23:20

Okay? Just like quick comment there. So I know in the past, you've talked about how you listen to dear Evan Hanson when you're sad, and I didn't know anything about the about the musical. And I only knew what I saw from the trailer and I actually thought the plot was going in a completely different direction. And then after we saw it, I was like, you listen to this when you're sad?

Jae 23:39

Yeah, sometimes. I mean, I don't listen to the whole thing. But like, for me, like waving through a window is one of those songs that like I really like I like, I like the song. And it's like one of those things where it's like when I feel like I'm like watching the world move around me, it can kind of help I don't listen to the whole soundtrack because the hard drive does get pretty sad. But that particular song but yes, I have listened to all times that I tried to cut it out. But sometimes I like to sing to it. And I think for me singing you have to like expand your airway to breathe. I don't sing well, but again, it helps regulate your breathing and stuff. So I do it.

Angela 24:10

I mean, that completely makes sense. I do it too. I say when I'm anxious.

Jae 24:15

Number 17. Ask for what you need. We've kind of already gone over that one, politely. But ask for what you need number 18 is a newer one. So I'm still working on this but like don't tell yourself No. Oh, okay. The world's gonna tell you if I asked Angela you want to go to movies? She'll say no, but let don't make the decision that someone else is going to tell you no before you actually ask them kind of the Assumption thing of like, don't be the one to say, Oh, they wouldn't want to do this or he doesn't want to do that. Or she won't go do this or she wouldn't like that.

Angela 24:41

Is this in line with you're trying to pick up new hobbies? No, it's more of

Jae 24:45

the thing of like, Oh, I want to go apple picking. Oh, I don't think anyone would want to go with me, so I won't do it. I ask anyone. How do I No, no, no. Don't want to go do it with me if I don't ask anyone. Exactly. I like that. 119 is kind of a synopsis of like a A lot of things except the fact that you're human humans have emotion feelings are valid and you can't control them trust me I've been trying for 25 years it's really unfortunately something that just kind of has to happen and does happen with or without your consent. Okay? embrace it.

Angela 25:15

But technically we are still in the age range where we can get tapped to go to break bills. So if we're magicians are we only human

Jae 25:23

you told me I couldn't watch that show

Angela 25:26

so your analogy is void fine. It got very graphic for the first two seasons the last three are okay for you to watch but then you're missing the whole initial plotline. Great.

Jae 25:36

Okay, number 20 all people are good and bad. It's just about the ratio you're content with

Angela 25:41

the two wolf analogy story story I've never i don't know i don't really know Oh, so I think it's the habit on a lot of cultures but I think the most common one is the I can't remember which one it is but it's like a Native American story and there are these two brothers and they have like these two each of them are gifted like to pet wolves and they represent like the two halves of their personality good and bad and it's like the one that you feed will grow stronger so it's like you have to you have to keep them in balance like you don't really want one getting bigger than the other because like one doesn't exist without the other

Jae 26:16

got it But yeah, I think it's hard when especially like when looking back on a relationship or a friendship and it's like you want to be like oh screw them I'm doing better without them and I think frankly for its poor feminist culture when you're like oh god I forgot the big call or daddy phrase like not it's not leave him on red but it's something similar like I don't know but like the whole point of like you deserve better you are better than him you bla bla bla bla bla I get it like you you're better without having all these things but the thing is like for anyone like friendship breakups or anything like everyone has something that initially got them to be in your life and if you're there's definitely hopefully more reasons for them to be out of your life but you need to hold both hearts to kind of heal and like get yourself closure I mean at least that's how I have to do it because I think it's thing of when I'm like oh like I miss going to the mall with her or I we used to have so much fun together like why am I so sad but it's well remember why you're sad and remember why things spiraled and fizzled but there were also good times and I'm not saying to like be like oh well they're good or bad but just to remember feelings that you had and what you felt and how you want to replicate those feelings again but with other people

Angela 27:26

which is I don't know I think I put it in like the top five hardest things so it's a very good very good lesson to come into early

Jae 27:34

I agree 21 share share more just just just do it not like share your fries I never share fries till the day I die. But like share what's going on with you share your thoughts feelings on things and I think it's important to build connections with others and I think it's important to build trust

Angela 27:52

and I think part of that is remembering that when you're sharing with people sometimes there are things that you would like them to hold close and not then share with others so consider that when people share with you as well because that's how we build trust yes like it's not just your being able to open up to someone it's about someone being able to hold on to what you're saying

Jae 28:17

yes to one thing I will be there as you need to be the one to say when it is one of those times yeah because one person might feel like oh a divorce is no big deal and for one person their parents getting divorced could be like the end of their world so it's ideally up to the person sharing to know what that gages and to respond accordingly because for some people if I told Angela like hey when this happened to me I don't want to have to go tell all of my friends I might want Angela to be the vessel to like town crier for me and then you tell me when that happens correct but if I don't tell like it's up to you and your friends which which one you want the default to be but I also think having a default is the problem I think you should always articulate this is a moment for us to share this is a moment for just you and me or whatever 20 to make the unknown no not the uncertain uncertain so the big difference with those two for me is like going back to the example of Angela has an OT five for me making the certain certain is Angela is mad at me because I forgot to call her that is making a situation certain that I have no clue if I haven't spoken to her making the unknown known is Angeles feeling some way let me inquire if I'm even right that that's how she's feeling before deciding why she's feeling that way. It's all about bringing to light things but not deciding that there is one right answer. There's only a direct correlation or there's only one thing to make it

Angela 29:39

right. Yeah. Again, just going back to communication. Well, it's

Jae 29:43

not only communication with sorry to cut you off. It's not only others, it's also within yourself.

Angela 29:48

It's like you have to like communicating with yourself but also being honest with yourself. I'm feeling this way, but I'm acting this way. What ultimately Am I trying to get out of this

Jae 29:59

versus this I know what I'm trying to do. 23 dogs really do have some sort of weird connection to humans This summer I happened to dog fit for my family and decent amount and they have a huge golden doodle who like I don't know, or I think it's golden Labrador. He's

Angela 30:17

so cute.

Jae 30:18

I don't know what it is. But there's something about like cuddling with the dog and having a dog around and the vibe the dog gets for me like my cousin told me like I told him he'd always sleep near the door not even in his bed. He's like, Well, it's because he's protecting you like he has these instincts that it's like a weird kind of like I don't want to say he brings up my primal instinct because like that's not what I mean. There are certain like primal things about humans because we are animals that dogs just pick up on whether we're trying to get it across or not. And it's very interesting to interact with that and I've never had a dog ever so a dog sitting and kind of seeing this for the first time is a very interesting experience for me because this dog is very needy very needy and very emotional. So it's very interesting it was just a very interesting experience like when you look into a dog's eyes It's like a very like odd thing that I never really got before and now I kind of get it i love

Angela 31:08

that I can't wait to see with a dog like a dog of your own because it was really fun watching you interact with this one and then like even talking about like him being protective he was super protective of you Yeah, whenever anyone got too close to you he was instantly on edge.

Jae 31:24

Oh yeah, definitely. You know,

Angela 31:26

hopefully your future dog will know me and you know, I'll get to pass but

Jae 31:32

mostly We're almost to the end of the first list and then we'll try to speed through the second one a little bit more because I have no statements about the second one it's more about what I want to do for 26 Oh, okay. 24 be a person you'd want to be friends with. And in terms of that as thing of like, I want a boyfriend I want more friends. Well what do you do to foster being someone others would want to be friends with or who would want to date like what are you doing to foster yourself to be in those environments or to want to be in those environments like be your own friend?

Angela 31:59

Please refer back to the previous episode in which I talked about the 8020 of relationships it'll it'll help you get there

Jae 32:06

saying no 20% of the time will help me befriend myself

Angela 32:09

well no saying yes 80% of the time because like there's it's sometimes it's okay to tell yourself No, your head might really be telling you like oh, I really want to go to like loom concert next week. I have no idea why I picked flu right now but like your body might be telling you hey, we are exhausted so it's okay all your head we're gonna stay home this week and I know you're disappointed and we can hold that disappointment but we'll go out next time Don't worry.

Jae 32:34

Okay, so you're saying the 8020 rule in terms of activities for yourself in the other episode it was in the context of two people relationship but in this situation you're saying for yourself as well i think it works for both well I know but in this situation when I say be a person who you'd want to be friends with, I'm talking about solo like there's no other people like make yourself someone with good source energy other people like to associate with go to the zoo go to the beach, go do things on your own fulfill yourself like don't wait for other people because then it's like you also have cool stories like oh I did this like you you're an interesting person when you'll just go do things

Angela 33:07

and we like interesting people but we also respect people who have boundaries

Jae 33:11

Yes, I'm really confused where your angle is on this one because for me it's all about let's solo like Haley Seinfeld like yourself kind of I'm joking. Kind of like path of like it's all about you so like what boundaries and 8020 are you doing for yourself to be a better person by doing things by yourself?

Angela 33:30

It's okay we'll talk about this in the episode where I turned 30 and how I learned that you can say you have to say yes, but you also have to know when to say no

Jae 33:39

finally for the first list for 25 is aim for contentment, being happy all the time is not realistic and not healthy and not tangible because like physics, the one thing I know I've never actually taken a physics class what goes up must come down. So at some point, if you're happy you're not necessarily Oh, I'm going to be depressed in bed all week you're all you're not going to always be happy which means at some point the happiness the dopamine is going to wear off. So if you aim for contentment and have gratitude within that you're going to live a much better life because you're not reaching and going for so many emotions at the same time that like may not be sustainable Hear hear comments, questions concerned before we move move on to my 26th intentions for 26 years so

Angela 34:19

introspective, who are you right now? I mean, you're always in this introspective, but I've never heard you hit so many different topics within 30 minutes. 49 Thank you. Well, once you edit it, it's gonna be 30 minutes, or 26

Jae 34:33

or 26. The first one is the power of yet it's for me a way of trying to translate jealousy and I think a lot of us could work on traveling jealousy. Angela would like to buy a house one day yes, yes. One of her BFF ffs from college she found out just got a house in the city a few over from her. Oh, yes. So rather than being and gotten engaged, rather than being jealous and green eyed monster and kind of not that Angela is all that I'm being a little bit petty and like salt See as we know I don't have those things yet I'm not in a relationship yet I don't have that yet rather than just like I don't have that and I want that because it one like it doesn't feel as finite again making the unknown no not not the uncertain certain because I'm not married which is a certain statement, but like can you ever get married? Yes, Angela has the capability to one day get married, so it's better but I'm not married yet.

Angela 35:24

I love this one got flipped on me.

Jae 35:28

analogies, we all have them

Angela 35:31

Yes. Okay. Wait just one Claire one quick clarification. You said the power of yet like ye t Yes. Okay, so not yet. Not yet. Okay. All right. I like that one.

Jae 35:40

Okay, number two be approachable. I got a blue phone to help with this one.

Angela 35:46

Oh my god, you okay? It's not that you're not I support your approachable journey God wherever that takes

Jae 35:53

you for 26 I continue to put this on the list because I've not fully dealt with that 25 ask for what you need. Number four is like a big one for me is breaking cycles. So what I mean by that is any relationship that's been going for a while has dynamics and has certain go twos and you both have your triggers and you both have certain things and what I'm really focusing on this year is like looking at my parts of these and reflecting on them like learning how to break certain cycles with both not because like they're bad people or we're bad people or relationships not working, but some things just aren't healthy and aren't necessary anymore. They're in past versions of both of us and we need to learn to break those for the healthier sustainability of our friendship or relationship long term.

Angela 36:33

Exactly. Because just because someone is treating you like a past version of yourself doesn't mean you have to act like a past version of yourself.

Jae 36:40

Number five questions thoughts and beliefs. At this point, if you're listening to this, you're probably old enough to have like have certain thoughts and beliefs. Apparently we only have I think my therapist said like 700 total thoughts that we just recycle like oh, wow, that's interesting. Oh, yeah. So clearly some of those are good some of those are bad some of those are necessary for the time but they're not always necessarily the ones that you need now so question why you come to certain thoughts beliefs and see if they're still as Marie Kondo and sexy if they don't thank you for your service see if they still bring you joy and contentment and they're what you need or if you should try to change your thoughts and beliefs which we should be doing throughout our entire lives correct number six travel I swear someone's getting me to Greece in the next year we will get there even if asked to be myself number seven cherish happiness because like we were saying happiness is not a state you can constantly be in and when you are in it you should cherish it and be present for what is happening around you and remember

Angela 37:35

it document it hold on to it in ways for when you're not so happy and you need a reminder of what can be again

Jae 37:43

well then I'm sorry for number eight Angeles number eight is put the phone now you don't need the phone

Angela 37:49

I think people forget that we actually have these things called cameras put the electronics down. Oh okay, put the electronics down because the

Jae 37:57

whole point of how I think like not like the whole point of happiness is that it's fleeting I'm like not that far woohoo yet it's a thing of like what is it just thinking about it like this is a little existential so we're not gonna like stew on this too hard right now before morning coffee but let's think about like when like we get older and like our parents and grandparents and people are like oh this used to happen or like it's always every story you hear about what they went through is the rosy version because they don't actually have the tangible proof I have tangible pictures of you throwing up in a bucket Oh god. Like just think about the difference of like we don't only have stories we have visuals for generations after us to look back on rather than just our memories.

Angela 38:38

Yes, but yes, yes, I agree with you but also post concussion where it's very hard for me to remember what I was doing five minutes ago fair, I'm all about documenting a little more.

Jae 38:50

That's fair. I think it's more of a thing of like a rule I haven't concerts with like people I don't know how I came to this I would always record when I go to concert the bridge in the last course of every song or I would always pick up one portion of a song to record unless it was like a song I loved like 70% song My phone would be down

Angela 39:08

I think that's a good one.

Jae 39:09

Thank you number nine no continued number nine curate less I am very I have control issues and working on them I do a lot to present myself in a certain way literally in person and over the podcast over the internet the way I edit I try to make myself not be a perfect version of myself but be what I would consider the best version of myself and not that we curating lessons like I'm gonna like not do those things but it's gonna be a thing of like not putting my value in my curations

Angela 39:41

I like that one.

Jae 39:41

Thank you 10 listen better and then also like trust my knowing Angela you really do need to read untamed been asking you to do this for a year so I got the book.

Angela 39:51

There are just so many books and so little time I promise it's on my nightstand and I'm gonna get to it by the end of this year. Okay,

Jae 39:59

but by Going into oil talks about her no one is basically what she would call it the god inside of her is basically another way like your gut your intuition your source energy whatever you want to call it it's the thing to tell you yes no you're on the right path trust your gut more basically the I

Angela 40:15

do have to say though the knowing just like on its own sounds like some kind of scary movie yes

Jae 40:20

it's not I promise number 11 surrender I know that's a big thing for people in 12 step programs and for everything my therapists pulled it to me it's kind of just a thing of like I don't know the actual definition of what it means to surrender I just know that's what I need to do give

Angela 40:35

up like the mirror like the Webster Merriam Webster dictionary version of yes okay hold on cease resistance to an enemy or opponent and submit to their authority love

Jae 40:46

that for me. So basically for me however

Angela 40:50

there is a right under that there is what does surrender means spiritually which I think is more what you're looking for here here. Okay so to surrender in spirituality means a believer completely gives up his own will and subjects his thoughts ideas and deeds to the will and teachings of a higher power

Jae 41:07

kind of Yeah, it's more that one just kind of accepting the fact that I have no control and also have control duality people. Number 12 take a break here here 13 active listening Oh 10 was work on listening and trusting my knowing 13 is listen to other people. We should all do better at that and can do better at that. Yes, most definitely do more things angelyn I went to an amazing comedy show thanks to her she found tickets and I have not laughed that hard probably in a few years my ribs still kind of hurts from it honestly I oh my god my ab workout before but Angela got us tickets to see Taylor Tomlinson and she was hilarious and so were her openers, Dustin dumpling and Irene two

Angela 41:50

I got all of them were amazing like future goals for the podcast interview them others have shown like

Jae 41:58

fleeting thirst in those opening for someone for stand up the bachelorette. Oh,

Angela 42:02

I totally support that number 15 patience.

Jae 42:05

I don't have very much of it. I'm trying to grow a little each year and kind of what that is. Remember everyone is trying to come from a place of everyone is trying to do their best everyone is trying something things are

Angela 42:15

going on. No one is purposely trying to test your patients unless they're between the ages of like three and

Jae 42:21

six. Number 16 is building more interdependent relationships which are Win Win relationships which are the healthiest and most sustainable investments to have versus independent which can be a quite a bit competitive which is where someone needs to win and someone needs to lose and then codependent is literally like stepping on the other person to get your needs met or vice versa interdependent is what we want symbiosis that 217 Learn to self regulate because once you self regulate, you can co regulate which has helped to regulate another person's emotions as well so like

Angela 42:52

and their temperature that day

Jae 42:55

18 cook more I just think I should try to cook more

Angela 42:58

I totally support that I think you would be amazing at it and then we can share recipes

Jae 43:02

it's just so much work I can cook I just don't like to cook more I'm 19 I am unique but not terminally so I don't know how much how familiar you are with like the term like terminally unique I don't know if it's a therapy term or whatnot. Yes No familiarity Yes, we are all unique individuals who go through different things experience everything's happening for perceptions however terminally so in the sense of like you're not so different from anyone else on this planet that like you're the only one to have ever gone through and whoever will go through something necessarily what do you do more things in person such as concerts, musicals, live productions and again get vaccinated so I can do these things 21 boundaries make more and respect others 22 reactions have less of them

Angela 43:50

try really hard not to laugh got it because I don't know guys if you you know us then you've seen Jay try to hold in reactions so it's really funny to think about

Jae 43:59

23 be stronger and healthier whatever that means for me however I'm going to interpret that for the next year do that when D for embrace the uncertainty we kind of covered on the last one but continuing to do that. 25 says to sing and dance more I don't know what kind of music I was listening to to like have me say that but like sure, I think movement I think is more of a goal of not like not like movement like you're working out but just like free movement of non times of like a workout structured workout.

Angela 44:26

I think also just like being free to move your body. And then

Jae 44:29

26 is love more whether that means I find more people to love or I should the people I already love more, whatever that means that's the end of the list. Oh, that

Angela 44:38

one was a little bit too geeky. But

Jae 44:40

we still like it wasn't live laugh love.

Angela 44:42

Yeah, true. That's just the first thing that popped into my mind as you're jukey and you're projecting. They're very fair, and I should not be projecting on you on your birthday podcast.

Jae 44:53

You're here. Oh, that was something it was.

Angela 44:56

I like all of these. I think this is gonna be really helpful to everyone. Cuz I know even if you know all of these things you need reminders because sometimes it's hard to hold all of this in you when things get busy with family friends work your pets your internal self it's hard to remember to hold everything that you need to keep balanced

Jae 45:17

very much so who we have six days till our departure for Southern California for Disneyland and one more week of me to reflect on being same distance from 20 and 30.

Angela 45:30

And then you tip over to my thigh in the late 20s

Jae 45:33

um, it's still mid 20s I think it starts at 27 or 2827 I don't know if you're going off a grading scale isn't like a 94 to a 97 and a and then a 98 I don't know I don't know either. We can google it later. Anything else you'd like to update the bottom?

Angela 45:47

I mean yes, but it's not relevant yet. Okay, but you will know in approximately three to four hours

Jae 45:55

are you pregnant?

Angela 45:55

No, I'm I'm working on some content that's gonna go up in November that I'm very excited. Oh, I know in three to four hours because I'm going to share it with you in three to four hours.

Jae 46:05

Got it. Okay. Yeah, I'm a little concerned but hey, embrace the uncertainty number 2324. I

Angela 46:11

don't remember exactly it's great. I'm super excited for your birthday. I know last year was really great but you had a quarantine birthday we all had teams oh well yes we all had quarantine birthdays but I know we we had to do it like socially distance like six feet apart in your backyard this year. We got to sit next to each other on rides at Disneyland Yes. I think I'm also going to need a new pillow pet when we go got it. Ready to make room for your suitcase? I will Yeah, I'm gonna take the bigger carry on and then I'm just gonna pack like I only need clothes for one day so there's plenty of room. Do you have any final thoughts to close us out today?

Jae 46:47

No, I'm tired. Those are all my thoughts all my thoughts ever.

Angela 46:50

Yeah, it's a really good one. Thank you. And on that note, thank you for listening to today's very special birthday episode of in Omnia paratus grab your coffee bowls and don't forget to re download and follow on Apple Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts as always where you lead will follow so head on over to @inomniapod on Instagram and let us know what you'd like to hear about in the comments.

Bye

Jae 47:12

bye

Transcribed by https://otter.ai