It’s graduation season and we’re here to breakdown the abyss that enfolds you after you toss your cap in the air. Some people know exactly what they want to do in life, but if you’re anything like Jae, Angela, and Ali, you may be experiencing some confusion, loneliness, and a lot of what if’s.
Listen in today as we catch up with our friend Alison Iles, who graduated with a Political Science degree and plans of law school, and then followed her dreams and became a full time actress. We’re talking about career changes, finding what you want, making new friends out in the real world, and dating outside of dayger pool, and so much more!
Hi y’all! Today we’re joined by a very special guest – Jae’s sorority Big Sis, Alison! Ali graduated college in 2015 and is now working as an actor in Southern California. In this episode, we’re diving into the abyss of uncertainty that we experienced after we graduated from college and entered the next chapter of our lives.
In today’s episode we discuss:
- What it’s like to prep for graduation
- What happens when you second guess your major
- Moving away from your core friend group
- Your first job post-college
- The *Conveyer Belt* and being achievement focused
- First jobs and moving out
- Changing your job track to find your passions
- Dating post-college and navigating a new dating pool
- Budgeting and managing your own finances
- Making new friends
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
Welcome back to In Omnia Paratus! Jae Like The Letter, coming at you from the future. Today we had a very special guest featuring Alison Iles. She is my big in the Greek universe, the sorority fraternity universe not like mythical Greek god universe, although she probably is one of those two. She's very talented. And today we will be speaking about life after college things we expected things we were prepared, for things we weren't prepared for, and what we've learned after the years since then, Alison graduated in 2015. Angela 2016, in Jae 2017. So we'll get a little bit of different perspectives to where we started, to where we are now. Let's jump into the episode.
So it's storytime everyone. I went out to breakfast this morning. And while I was standing in the takeout line, kind of a long line, I was halfway down the block. And at one point, I turned around to see like how much longer the line had gotten while I was waiting, and I see this guy wearing a full on black ski mask, no shirt and running shorts, and I panicked a little bit. So I'm like, Oh, my God, burglar mask, and I was like, wait, I need to control my unconscious bias. Everyone's wearing masks right now. Some people are wearing their ski masks when things get dirty. So I'm like, okay, it's alright, calm down, turned around, was continuing to wait in line. He then passes me and I noticed that he's walking around a little shift Lee, he's like crouching down behind cars and like keeps looking over his shoulder. All of a sudden, he bolts across the street to where this guy's standing with his motorcycle. He grabs the motorcycle bar handles shoves the guy down jumps on and bride's down the sidewalk. Completely strange. So then the girl in front of me turns around and it's like, should we call the police and I swear to god alley, she's your doppelganger. Literally. I thought I was looking at you. Oh, same height, same hair.
I can confirm it was not me.
Know just everything about her like granted, she was wearing a mask.
That's crazy, though. What did you do? Um,
so someone else in line actually did call the police. But it was very strange. Because while I did they're like people away from going inside and picking up my order picked it up, got back in the car. And then I see the guy has now put on clothes. He's wearing a sweatshirt and some sweatpants. But I know it's him with the same little facemask get up and the same motorcycle. He's riding around, but he's not riding in the street. He's riding up and down the sidewalk.
Is this like a social experiment? Right?
I have no idea. It was the strangest thing.
Yeah. Did someone like pop out with cameras and release forms or something?
Oh, my God, I don't I don't know. Maybe he was still riding around when I left. So maybe that maybe that was coming after. But yeah, that's my morning.
I just watched a movie it was there was a plot but there was a it's basically just constant cranking of random bystanders. So maybe you're on a prank show.
That would be very fun. I hope that I get something from the restaurant contacting me from my email order, say, and we need you to sign this.
Apparently, a PA from the second Ant Man movie was hitting on Angela A while back. And the reason I say he was hitting on hers because apparently they were filming in San Francisco and he told her what movie it was. But this was three years before the movie came out. So I don't think you would break your Marvel contract for someone like you weren't trying to get with.
Marvel is very, very they make you sign an NDA like even in the first breath of potentially interviewing for a job. So Ah, that was legit out of that go.
I don't I didn't really go anywhere. I think so I was with Jae. And we were with someone else too. And we just stumbled upon it. He told me what it was going to be about. And then they were like, Oh, cool. Let's let's go to lunch now. But yeah, it was I don't know. j i don't think i've seen so I think it was Ant Man and The Wasp. So I haven't seen that one. But did you say you recognized the street?
I did see it. It's right near the favorite block show all the people who visit the tango room. So it's right near that street. Anyone who's visited I'm sure has been there multiple times. I'm nervous Angel. So this is all you Oh,
where are you guys nervous. This
oh, I'm I'm more nervous than I was when I recently like guessed it on like someone else podcast like I'm more nervous this time.
Unknown Speaker 4:09
I'm like, oh,
pick it up. All right. Well, everyone, as you've heard today, we have a guest with us. Her name is Allie. We know her from college. She's j is big. And she is my bigs former roommate. So we've all spent a lot of time together. We should not be nervous. And yet somehow we are. So we're just jumping right into it today. Ali, as you know, we've asked you here to talk about life after college because you're one year ahead of me two years ahead of Jae, you kind of lead the way in all of this for us as far as real life expectations for what it's like when we're leaving, though. I guess my first question for you is who is your soul's
So our first question for you is what was it like going into graduation? What was that last month of college like
so I was really, really eager to get out of college and get out into the real world, whatever that meant. I was really eager to just start this new chapter of life. I also realized, I think somewhere in my senior year that I wanted absolutely nothing to do with political science, which is a terrible thing to realize when that's the degree you're getting and about to get in a couple of months. So that was definitely a scary thing to realize, as you're about to walk down and grab your diploma. But I was really excited to just kind of get out, figure everything out and move on from one stage of life to the next. as scary as it was, I think I was just more excited to get started.
That's good. Like think I was genuinely terrified. I'm pretty sure I cried non stop, or my last two weeks, so like week 10, and finals, just because I didn't know what I wanted to do with myself afterwards. Like, it seemed like everyone else had
Oh, yeah. And I had no idea what I wanted to do with my myself afterwards, I had no idea where I was going, I was just kind of like, Alright, I think college was a really good period to grow. And I think at that point, I was ready to move on to whatever the next thing was, I had no idea what that was going to be. And I had was kind of applying to every single job there was and and without any sort of direction or idea of where I wanted to go. So there was no there was no plan or anything. I was just like, Alright, world. Let's get started.
One of the really sad realizations I had when leaving college was, as you guys know, Angela, and I are from NorCal, we went to school. And so Kyle, all of these relationships and friendships I'd been building, not that they weren't going to sustain. Obviously, Allie still likes me, she's here, they'll maintenance and the amount of quality time I get with these people was not going to be nearly as much even Angeles, we don't live very close to each other. So seeing friends regularly, nothing was better than calling someone having them be at your apartment in five minutes and getting food. And that hasn't happened for obviously over a year at least. But even after college, that's just something that can't be recreated. Yeah,
I mean, friendships difference, you
like a little bit of an unrealistic expectation because all of your friends are within five minutes of you. There's never not a day where someone just shows up at your apartment, or you run into someone on your way to class and you make spontaneous plans to get dinner or do something the next day.
Well, exactly. And even I stayed in Southern California, even here, I you guys are in the Bay Area mechanism. Chicago. Kim is in Sacramento, one of my other best friends Candice is in she was in Texas, now she's in Colorado, Mike or kind of really close group for the most part hasn't stayed in Southern California. And if they aren't Southern California, they're in a different part of Southern California. It's not this beautiful little friendship bubble that you have in college, where you're right next door to 10 people that want to have lunch with you kind of a harsh adult reality.
The other one is the concept of Fridays, again, I have mentioned very much. So I had the best senior year schedule, I didn't have class on Fridays, my entire senior year. So the concept and most of my classes, I also had end around 1pm and start around nine. So the concept of doing anything for eight hours was just terrible. And on top of that, not knowing what I wanted to do and trying to navigate that which is terrible. then realizing I had lost all of my stamina for going long days because I didn't have to, I would go to class and then I would go hang out at a pool. Typically I feel like that's where you need to then find a job that has summer Fridays or has a really great flexible PTO plan.
I'm trying I had kind of a rude awakening my first job after college, mind you, my senior year of college was I had the laziest schedule because I had classes pretty much just Tuesday and Thursday. So I had like Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday just to do whatever I wanted, which is absolutely ridiculous. And then from that my first job out of college was working like 60 or 70 hours a week as what they referred to as marketing but it was really, really like setting up kiosks and like Costco and doing road shows, which is not fun and people are not very nice to you. But it's a very easy way to get into the idea of like, okay, I can handle a 40 hour work week because I can handle a 60 hour
I remember you telling me about doing all of that kind of stuff you were traveling or like in motel hotels like weekly seemed Yeah,
it was kind of a sketchy job. They I was kind of traveling around to different different cost codes around Southern California and I think a normal company would put you up in in at least a moderate hotel but I was consistently staying in these like truck stop motels and I went to my boss about it like I'm a little concerned about my safety. I think at one point some someone tried to break into my room in the middle of the night. Oh God told my my the next day and he's like, well, he didn't get in so. Right. I was like, okay, that's not the point. I did eventually after like many mental breakdowns in bathrooms over some lady yelling at me about something I had no control over. I did eventually quit that job.
Yeah. How soon Did you get that one after leaving college?
I think it was like a month after college. Yeah,
that was about a month after you really didn't have like that last summer experience.
No, I didn't. I didn't see Like I wanted to stick around necessarily, I was kind of like, Alright, this is the beginning of the rest of my life and I need to get started and get out. I was really eager to just go wherever that meant. Fortunately, that made this like really awful job. But I did learn about a lot about myself during that time and I did learn how to how to say, Okay, enough is enough. This isn't a career path for me. I need to move on from this, although I did get a trip to the Bahamas out of it, which was nice.
Whoo, I got food poisoning in the Bahamas.
What did you eat?
Um, it's I don't remember the kind of fish but it was really funny because during the trip, we went to visit my mom's brother in Florida. And I was relatively picky eater. So my aunt started bribing me with money. So my mom for the rest of the holidays was trying to at one of the places she's like, just try a bite of this fish. It's the one time I listened to her in the Bahamas that I got food poisoning. So for a while after every time she'd have we tried it. It's like I'm like, the last time I did it. We both got really bad food poisoning for her. It was crazy. I think some more to like a COVID symptom. Her hot and cold were mixed up. So when she would have to oven mitts to go into the freezer, yeah. And ice cold water was burning.
I have never heard that. That's crazy.
I don't remember the kind of fish
but it is a particular fish in the Bahamas. But other than that I was really pretty. I got my hair braided the houses were really nice. My mom wouldn't pay to get my whole head braided because I have a lot of hair. And it was like a lot per braid.
That's an investment if you're going to braid your entire need to keep it for like several months to make it worth it.
How long did you have the marketing job before?
Think I stuck that out for about eight months? Yeah, somewhere around there.
Oh, no. I was gonna say Do you have another job lined up? Or did you just know you couldn't take it anymore?
No, I did not have another job lined up. I was just at a point that I was ready consistently crying in the bathroom. So I just needed to do something else and recognize that okay, if I'm in this state this regularly, this is not the job for me. So yeah, no job lined up. I went and started doing some soul searching about what I actually wanted and what direction I wanted to go.
Angela, your next pushed out of the nest. How was your experience? Fairly awful?
Um, no, because I think the hardest part for me about leaving college was leaving my friends because I really didn't know anyone in this area. My first friend here was actually assigned to me by my bag. She called me up when she was coming to visit and she asked, oh, hey, you know, have you ever met this person? Can he come to brunch with us? I was like, Oh, sure. I don't think I've ever known him come to find out. It's Ryan and I just misheard his name. Yeah. So she brought Ryan to brunch. And then I didn't know this. He spilled the beans. like six months later. He's like, yeah, Megan's really concerned about you. So she asked me to check in on you and take you out and make sure that you were having a good time. So yeah, so he was my only friend.
Right? It is it is pretty sweet. And and it was, it was good too, because now we're great friends. He was my only friend for a while. And then I had that horrible retail job, which literally lasted six months to the day, I went back and looked at my calendar when we did the retail episode, literally six months. And then I got into my first office job, which was its own kind of brand of awful, which sounds really bad because it sounds like I'm really picky. But I worked in a law office for two months. And they had a very catty hierarchy. When it came to like the receptionist, the Secretary, the office manager, mailroom girls, all this different stuff, like everyone had their place. And on my first day, they took me to lunch, and they sat me down and they're like, this is where you are. And this is when you do things. And this is our time to do things. And we always do this after work on Thursdays. We always take this train home together.
Yeah, what kind of cult was this?
Right? It was really awkward.
And the crappy thing is when you're when you're young, when you're young and this is one of your like, first it was your first office job, right? You don't know if that's normal. If every office is going to be like this, if I can advocate for myself in any way. You're just like, Alright, I'm young. I don't know what I'm doing. And I'm gonna shut up and go along with right basically,
I saw the statistic that millennials Gen Z going forward before the age of I want to say 40 or something. Most people will have at least 12 jobs because of the way job markets and things are just changing now with young people. I know at least for me leaving college I felt like the only people who knew what they were going to do with their lives for going for more school or into a medical field. So everyone who wanted to be a nurse, be a doctor be a lawyer would they knew for sure like what they were going to do and we're very much working to get a job right out of school. I wasn't I moving home and figuring it out. After I had my summer I went to Canada. That was fun. But no one I knew really I don't want to say people were not prepared but I think everyone just kind of knew they figure it out once it happened. So I took a similar approach to that and I ended up getting an internship six months after that. I tried for didn't end Well, I think the expectations and what I was bringing just weren't very aligned in terms of that. And then I ended up working retail longer than expected, but I got to pay off my student debt, which I really wanted to do. So for me, the trade off was worth it. But I think leaving college was just harder than you think. And not even in terms of the educational part of it, or the friends part. But I'm someone who's very much got to enjoy it for what it is not the treadmill or pipeline, Carol, the bunny,
Oh, the conveyor belt.
Yes, I was very much on the typical high achieving student path I did well, in school, I went to non merit, a magnet high school, went to college did pretty well. And then after it, the whole world was like, there was nothing other than going to grad school or getting a PhD, or then continue that achievement. And although my family never praised me extra for my achievements, or for doing it, that's not what I was valued upon society very much held me to that, like, for example, my high school, this is an example I give, and it's a very extreme example, I could have I did not I could have had an abusive parent. But if they found out from her that I was going to the school, there was no way she could have just been doing anything wrong because of how hard my high school was to get into and how much academics mattered. So I was just used to being praised for achievements. And then all of that ended after college, there was nothing for me to achieve until the next thing would either be get becoming a millionaire getting married or having a kid. And although I could have rushed to those three things really quickly, I'm sure there were means to do so it wasn't really what I wanted to do. So it left me with like an external crisis I was not prepared for.
well, and I also think that the thing with academia to me academia is that it's there's, there's a structured land, you know, what steps you're going to take to get to the ultimate goal, which is graduating with that diploma. And you know, what classes you have to take along the way, you know, what steps you have to take and then the second you graduate, there's not unless you go to grad school or medical school or something like that. There's not necessarily a framework for the rest of your life. And so when you're used to having this framework as something to fall back on, and you you are suddenly out of that it's hard should know where to go and you're just going to kind of tread water until you figure it out. So you have to learn how to make these actionable specific goals for yourself that are not necessarily they're not going to be academic goals are not going to be goals that you're necessarily praised for. But you can say, Okay, I did this thing to try to move me towards the thing that I want.
I do really well with praise though.
You do like self praise me like no self in the mirror?
I don't know. I've thought of putting affirmations on my mirror tic tocs been telling me to do it. It talked to us. No. Well,
I actually tried that at work with Grey's Anatomy quotes. They're just like different things to like, try to remind myself to not take anything too seriously. Like there was the Miranda Bailey one like I'm trying to look at the bigger picture and then her end to that, which was I finally seen the bigger picture. So I had those on like two different sides of my desk. So depending upon what where I was mentally that day, it's like, Okay, I need to remind myself that this isn't going to last forever, or this isn't lasting forever. I figured out what my plan is like that. And then Ollie after the road show job where where did the soul searching lead you in where you wanted to go with your career path, your life path? Which one came first chicken or the egg? Oh, okay, so
so I plant the person. I've never been like a I need to get married by 25. So that I can have kids by 27. So I can do this. By that age. I've always been much more of a like, if and when it happens, that's when it happens. And great. I'm not gonna plan for that. And of course, that's that's like the thing that happens first. After that job, this was free therapy. And like I was in just a weird to this I went blind for a week I was in a weird mental state. During this time, Jae has a picture of it some words that the rest of the world will never see a
Blonde is being generous with what color that turned out.
It was like, orange. I don't know why it was bad. My mom did it. It was not good. And
Oh, my God was that when your hair was still long?
Yeah, it was still long. And it was like it was intended to be highlights. And they just said the bleach wasn't in for long enough. And then we tried to tone it. And it just it was all kinds of broomstick yellow, it was not a good time. But I took this, that time that I moved back home and was just thinking about what I actually want and what is actually going to make me happy. And I have always been more into the arts. I have always been a singer and and acted and performed. And that's what makes me happy. And I've always avoided that as a career path because that's not practical. And that's not what smart people do. I needed to be honest with myself that I wasn't going to be happy if I didn't pursue that. And so I started looking for any kind of a job that I could move out to LA for to be able to start to pursue that. So I took the first job that I could in LA which is a receptionist job in central city I didn't know anybody in LA which is funny because we didn't go to school that far but I didn't know anybody in LA and I got the first little apartment that I could sharing with this random girl that I never saw by the way she was like she she was always hidden in her room and it was a joke that she just didn't actually exist at one point I think she had a boyfriend and I only know that because there were male shoes outside of her door but there were no sounds never saw another person. It was crazy. I took the first job that I could I moved to LA and started working towards How can I get into entertainment and do what I want to do.
What was your first job actually in entertainment?
So I'm an actor so I very first thing I did in LA was just like student films, little student films, actually no, I think the very first thing I did was a horror movie that I think is on Amazon that I'm that I do get murdered and I've never actually seen it. I can't bring myself to watch it. Because if
We can advertise it for you
You know, I've never I might actually have to watch it after this. But I did get murdered for you. The first one murdered. Yes. So I was like the Drew Barrymore and scream I'm like the first five minutes I'm the first murder that happens. That's my that's my claim to claim to fame with them
Is that what got you an IMDB page?
I think so. My first credit was, it was it was that or like a little student film, which when you're starting out is what you do to kind of build out your reel. And since then, I've been lucky enough to get an agent I've gone out and a lot more things. I've done mostly commercials and have gotten into glasses and just been working to try to get better at my craft
such an actor, how did you decide? Or what kind of ratio in terms of time and effort towards the arts versus knowing you do enjoy having a roof over your head and eating meals in a day? Do you still have the same ratio? Like how did you decide what that ratio would be of time of need versus want
A lot of trial and error. So I started out when I first came out, I had that job that was a regular nine to five and did not allow for any any leniency, you had to be there nine to five, you couldn't leave to go to an audition or anything like that. And you find out very quickly that that's very hard to do, you're gonna miss out on a lot of auditions, because they're all between the hours of nine five, and I started doing little temp jobs here and there, I started bouncing around a lot of actors wait tables, so they can move their schedules around, I have ended up being very, very lucky that I am in a job right now that they are very, very flexible. And everybody's kind of in and out. They know that I'm an actor, and they think that it's cool. So if I need to leave for an hour to go to an audition, they are perfectly fine with that. And the nice thing about COVID is that every audition now is a video. So you kind of just do a video at home while you're already working from home. So it's been a little bit more convenient. But thankfully, I haven't burnt out it can be a lot trying to balance two careers at the same time. But you just have to carve out time for yourself and your mental health and the rest of your life. Because obviously work isn't everything,
That's something truly terrifying that you realize, when you actually start I shall finish my thought you're really pushed into this idea of whatever you're going to do like whatever job it is, you should always try your hardest and do your best to succeed. But at the same time, there's also a way that you can like really work yourself into a position where you can kind of get a little stuck, I know and the job that I'm in currently, I started out as a receptionist, and they made a new position for me as office coordinator. And recently they made me the office manager, but they they sort of sprung it on me but I had this whole revelation, thank you. But I had this whole plan, like ironed out of like, okay, like this is a different way to like take me out of the office dynamic and put me into a bit more of an operations role. But that's now swept by the wayside because I literally like got the announcement. They're like, so your office manager, we've already told everyone and shifted the dynamics of how this is gonna work out. And I was like, hey, but I wanted you to make me like HR or something. Not that I even really want to do HR. I
I mean, I think office manager can still way up.
Yeah, no, that's true. I mean, also not that I really want to do HR, but it's just the idea more that I'm not particularly sure of what I want to do with my day to day and it just seems like a great avenue to try out right now because some of what I'm doing does overlap with it.
But Jae now that you're back money, make lots of money all the money so
then you can follow your dreams. But speaking of dream, yes,
Angela and I have an agreement whichever one is currently making more money, the other one has to shop for and financially support.
I'm the sugar daddy,
I know it's it's the greatest joy of my life right now as it should be. But in talking about your first credits, I went and looked up your IMDB page alley and your first credit is actually Emily in Sunday Dreamer
Is that ...this doesn't Looks like a horror film. It's just a different one.
That's a different one that was not the horror film. That was a short film. I think that was a student film.
It was really cute.
I don't know if I can find it anywhere or where it exists in the world but it was fun to shoot it was cute it was the flat was of this guy. That's cute girl walks by him in the park and he's daydreaming of how he can talk to her and hilarity ensues. Oh yeah, nice fun. There's a ton of fun fun little projects. Sorry I forgot all about that one cool.
It's a walk down memory lane. So in the grander space of pursuing dreams Jae that's at we were talking about what dream would you like to pursue or life or
Answer now Jeopardy music is playing
Of course it is. I mean, life is easier than career currently career I feel like I always knew I wanted to make a lot of money there's like this journal that my mom has of me throughout the years and every year you're asking what do you want to be when you grow up and when I was five so I want to be like a pop star like singer dancer because they make a lot of money was the the logic behind that. So from a young age, financial stability and things were something I always apparently really wanted and in terms of I also wanted to be Hannah Montana, Lizzie McGuire on stage probably where the reference panel was after wasn't required movie probably was around that time, but I've since very much given up on the first half of that and then the later half of just making a lot of money. I'm realizing now at what life cost that can come out. We said there's a bunch of people on tik tok right now making boatloads of money for dancing or pranking each other or four year old for unboxing his toys as the second richest youtuber I think he makes between five and 10 million a year there are plenty of different avenues to still make a lot of money traditionally the cost I'm now looking at what in terms of vacation family other goals? Would I be sacrificing for that? And then on the life goals, I think my biggest achievement right now that I've recently decided is going from six down to four kids I think is more realistic. But yes, I've wanted six Yeah, three biological three adopted, whenever I tell people that they're always like, Oh, your uterus gets a break. So like, we're that's much more attainable than biologically six kids.
Yeah, yeah. And then you you wouldn't necessarily would you adopt them all as babies? Or do you consider like some slightly older?
Um, it depends on how old I was when I felt comfortable on adopting because I think like I'm a young girl parent, younger kids, but like older parent, older kids.
Yeah, they respect that to that.
But yes, I want from six to four one because I realized a minivan is not even big enough to fit the entire family. I'm going to need like one of those mini buses and to I'm trying to cap the Disneyland trips that have grand just for the tickets. That is a lot of forethought. Yes.
I think that was one of the scarier things to about leaving college was in those first two years after a lot of people asked proximity to Disneyland Yes, not being within 40 miles of Mickey Mouse was terrifying. A lot of people would when we were shopping friends or family members like if we passed by a baby store a baby section be like are your future kids and hold up one Z's just like we are so far from being there you guys like you don't understand and then just being out in the world as a regular human. I don't know for crossing a line here. Jc might have to edit a little bit. I have a hyphenated last name already. So a lot of people when I introduce myself, say like, oh, congratulations on getting married. I'm not married. This is just my name.
Oh, no, I'm just Latin.
That's a thing.
Right? It's so funny. I think in my first job at the lawyers office, I guess the previous girl who position I now filled she actually was going to get married. So the next time that vendors and different delivery people and lawyers from other offices came in, they say like, oh, congrats, you got married like, no, this is new person. Just Just my name. Oh, no.
I know. Cuz, you know, of course, every single person wants to hear that too. So I'm getting married, like no painfully single.
Speaking of how you never thought you were going to be someone to get married young if at all. Were you one of those two, if at all?
Yeah, I was. I was absolutely one of those. I as as so many people at my wedding made a part of their speech that I always said I was never gonna get married, but it was fun.
You know, okay. He just kind of came into my life and here we are. I personally think that because I was never one of those people that was like, I need to get married by a certain age or I'm absolutely gonna get married and have X amount of kids or any of that stuff and I really wasn't looking for it. I found somebody that is completely accidentally that just kind of fits everything and is a really great partner to me. And I was like, oh, okay, this is why people do this.
I know you and then my other really good friend. from high school where the two people who are like if marriage were the first back to back weddings, and I was like, Oh, is that how it works? Like I should have committed from a younger age like to make this an if like, that's how this works. The ROM coms didn't teach me that. Yeah.
Do you have any sort of advice for us as people outside of college who are looking to date? Like how, like, how did you go about that?
I don't, I'm like the most socially inept person and I, the worst thing that can happen to me is like a stranger start talking to me. So I genuinely don't know how I have any kind of sort of social interactions with anybody.
If that's true, none of us have any hope.
I just think I didn't have any any real pressure on it of need to get married. I need to find my life partner, I'm searching I don't think I was dating with that intention ever. I think because of that, when people show you who they are, it's more of like, oh, okay, that's a red flag. I'm not going to keep going down this path. Oh, okay. You're actually a really cool person. Let's continue this further. Let's just see where this goes. Again, still no, no pressure, I have a deadline. That is to say, I can't give any great advice whatsoever. I completely just like, got lucky and found somebody perfect completely by accident, who has been amazing throughout everything he set up my whole podcast set up today, without anybody asking him to. So yeah,
how do we what do you think? I don't know if this was the how or what are exactly how I'm gonna phrase it. So enjoy, you can translate me If needed, what motivated or didn't motivate you to like, not be so casual about it. But to really kind of be in like, if this goes well? Are you asking me like how I could be so casual about it?
Go Angela translate.
So I think what Jae is trying to say is how do you date to date and not date looking to fill an immediate set of expectations? Like how do you just go about getting to know a person for who they are.
And this is why I have a co host got it.
And so to be fair, I think a lot of it was just to the stage in life. I was new to LA I was excited to meet people and explore the city and see where life took me and I wasn't so focused on I need to meet my life partner right now, because I was 2222. That sounds right. So because of that I was much more focused on the adventures that we were having together and the places that we got to go and in that you learn about this person, not because you're motivated by your timeline, but just because you're spending time together and having fun, I think, yeah, I think it was a time in my life. And I also have, like, historically just been very cynical about relationships in general. So I think I previously was just like, yeah, this is about everything. Like, yeah, this is probably not gonna work out. I'm just not gonna get my hopes up. But I think that when you stop really, really thinking about it, things will happen for you. I mean, that's, that's the trope, right of the girl that that's like, Oh, I'm just I'm done with relationships. I'm just really gonna focus on my career right now is always the person that gets married in like a year, I think it's when you're not looking for it, or really actively trying find it, that it'll kind of fall into your lap.
So basically, Jae, we have to trick your brain.
I mean, I'm trying meditation. We'll see how far that gets me. We'll see. We'll see if I like it.
What I'm really curious about is how like living on your own dating went because I'm always concerned from a safety standpoint, that was really big in my family. Even when I was a teenager in high school dating. They're like, how well do you know this person? Where are you going? Are you sure they're not gonna murder you? Like whenever I bring up the idea of dating app? My mother's always like, you're gonna meet a serial killer. She's like, that's what's gonna happen. She's like, you are going to dateline yourself?
Oh, yeah. So I I have like haven't told my parents this because that's, that's a terrible thing to say. But I really wasn't best about it. Like very first date with Matt like we met at his apartment. And then we were gonna go away. And I was like, walking down this very long hallway to get to this stranger's apartment. It looks like the shining this hallway. I've been it's the very last door and I'm raising my hand to knock on the door. And right before I knock, I'm like, this is probably a bad idea. No one knows that. I'm here. I'm meeting a complete stranger at their home. That thought left my mind at about two seconds. So I was like, Well, I'm fucking here. So. But I also didn't meet anybody unless I've had talked to them for like a week via whatever dating app. Not that that helps too much. But I think I think you can kind of weed out some crazy if you've talked to them a little bit. I also I also only one other date before that. The
20s are hard. They are
your 20s or the 20s.
Both if I To be fair,
yeah, I am very, very excited for a world in which 75% of the population is vaccinated, we open things back up and safe to enter the world and we are going to have this beautiful blossoming roaring 20s. Again, because no one's seen each other in a year and people are just going to go crazy. It'd be flapper dresses, end of prohibition, it's going to be great, or at least it seems great in my head. I'm sure it is. It's probably gonna be a lot of everyone trying to figure out how to talk to each other again. Yeah, have normal interactions again.
I know I just thought about when I fly down to LA seeing my friends never I'm gonna have like gotten off a plane but it's okay to hug people but it's gonna be like, I don't want to because like, I'm still on a bunch of germs and now we're all keenly aware of what Jerome Jerome transfer. So it's Yeah, it's going to be odd.
I have established that I will probably continue to wear a mask on planes just as like in my future. Oh, my life just just now knowing the germ transfer. I'm like places like an airplane probably just wear a mask. You know, there's not a pandemic, it just it feels less grimy. Alright, I've
got one for you guys. Now. Hey, want to meet up? Sure. How about this Friday sooner than that tomorrow? Sorry, not in the market. For pen pals. You haven't replied in a while. Anyone who is looking for immediate replies, red flag? Yes, immediate replies, if they're not, if they're not trying to have a conversation with you or get you before meeting you, then that's usually a red flag for me. And then the COVID one right now is all the guys who are looking for therapy sessions, the amount of people who have just wanted to talk about like how bad work is going what school is like, how difficult it is to take zoom meetings, how sad they are that they can't like, go to the bar, like if you're sad that you can't go hang out in a bar, red flag,
I'd take a bar at this point. I hated going out in a year, potentially.
I guess. Well,
what were you expecting this? To be your therapist? Yeah, you need to be your therapist, when we're in the chat stage and pre for a meeting, then you're probably going to want me to be your therapist in a relationship. And I don't want
that being that you two are both older than me got to bring it out at some point. Do you think when looking at decisions now being made late 20s whatever term we want to go with? Do you look at things more finite aliy. But like they hold more weight, like decisions about spending money on like a latte versus like, oh, buying a home or like decisions about we should all be caring about retirement more than we do, honestly. But looking at things in terms of like bigger things than playful things going out for brunches going on? I mean, there's balance, but do things carry more weight now that like you're in big kid jobs and doing big kid things, also known as adult things?
You go first?
Um, yes or no, I feel more that I fluctuate back and forth between telling myself like, Oh, yeah, I earned this. Oh, this matcha latte, that's $11. And then, right, and then thinking like, Oh, my God, like, this is money that I can totally be saving, or it's a vacation or like something that I need or potentially like, as I get older and like start looking like a down payment for my home. But then at the same time, I think will $11 really impact that much of like what I can put down for a home one day, maybe not because I only have these like once a month. But then also, it's just one of those things were more decisions of the people who I surround myself with, and who are very big parts of my life. Those really kind of weigh a little bit more heavily on me when it comes to dating. someone's like, Oh, yeah, like, Let's go then like $3,000 in one weekend. That's terrifying to me, because that is real money that could potentially affect like a mortgage payment. But yeah, Ali, you go.
Who are you hanging out with us throw throwing three grand down for one weekend.
Multiple people actually, now.
Now that I think about it, she works on finance for people make stupid money.
Got it. So like three grand is chump change, I have always been incredibly stingy. And I prior to this, I was never making crazy amount of money. I mean, I'm still not making crazy amount of money. But I'm making more now in the job that I have now than I was when I was 22. So now that I'm a little bit older, obviously, I've set financial goals for myself saving for a down payment for a house, saving for a wedding saving for those things, but in that also having a little bit more expendable income because I have a slightly higher paying job. Now I can do those things in a rational responsible way. And also leave myself a little bit of so that I can go to brunch, I'm not going to brunch every day, but we can budget a little bit to have fun and enjoy, enjoy being able to do things while we're still young. It can't be all or nothing either way, you need some balance of planning for the future, but also enjoying living and in this moment.
agreed. Also sometimes your 401k is a scam which is terrifying.
I don't want to know Yeah, I don't want to go.
Alright, we can talk about that when you hit your late 20s Jae.
I have a few more years to go away. It's one of the perks of being slightly younger than most of your friend group where you kind of get the result of the next phase of life. I remember some of the sorority sisters who graduated my freshman year getting a little bit of their experience. And then the next class is Alice class when they graduate and getting kind of trickle down of like what happens after college what this period is like it's although it still is hard in whatever ways you need to self reflect on I did get a little insight into how Angela did know Ali did and how other people survived it and made decisions and everyone does it very differently. And that's the part that's the hardest is
Your motorcycle game.
our but i just i whatever I need a little pick me up. Enjoy. You know where my head goes about it whenever I need a little pick me up. So yeah, everyone just has
Different that's fine.
No tell me another joke that's
What? I did not know that.
Oh my gosh, Angela was going through a rough time too. It gets better people get better jobs, figure out life do a little bit more. But it's always kind and we need those kind of moments sometimes. What do you think of friends after college? Because Do we still have the Wall Street person? Like, do I have the capability to make friends? Now I don't know how it works. It's frankly harder than dating way after dating, there's
like more, there's more motivation behind it. I guess there's friends, it's just a lot more awkward to try to make friends as an adult
it is. But not even in terms of that. It's like I can go on a dating app. And just like talk to I mean, I wouldn't like hundreds of guys who like have an attend. But to make a friend. It's like how do you take the comparison of like taking a friend you making class and making it a relationship outside of class. Like if I see like I see a person with cute shoes on the street or I see someone at work like Angela's done a really good job of transitioning her work friends or people who just work at a company outside of work.
But that's hard to do it is. And I mean, I think that the only reason that really works so well as well is because like we built our bonds at work like in the trenches together. And now we have like, that's the supper club that I'm a part of. So we have a common activity that still like grounds and unites us where we know that we'll get together or talk to each other about something related to it at least once a month, I feel the same way. I think it took two years for me to make a friend outside of college that I didn't already have some sort of connection to either through another friend or work or or someone who I attempted today, it was a lot and it felt really discouraging for a while
made friends out of my acting classes. That is really the only way that I've been able to do it since I've been in LA because it's a share. It's at least a shared interest, you know that you like at least some of the same things and you can kind of if you're acting with these people, you're inherently going to be a little bit more vulnerable with them. But outside of that, like I haven't had the best luck with like making friends at work and stuff like that. It is hard. It's it's hard when you don't have these like structured social events like you do in college where everybody's just trying to meet everybody though, I think it is hard to make friends as an adult, I think you just have to try to find people that share your common interests.
I actually tried joining one of our sorority alumni groups up here.
So you're gonna say Bumble BFF. And I was going to be really excited to hear how
that one No, but I would really like to know if one of you has tried it because i don't know i might be that desperate one day
I I did try it when I first moved to LA and I you can talk to people and they can be cool. But you're Bumble with dating where you're like, I think I like this person meet this person. Whereas with just it's more awkward. there's not as much of an initial push to actually try to meet or just kind of fizzles away pretty quickly.
I have looked through Bumble BFF. I totally respect it. It's great. If you found great friends that way. That's great. I have just heard some very interesting stories from other people who have used it about some like connections gone wrong for friends. So I was really curious as to what it looked like. And I think that the people who I would have considered wiping on were those that like very clearly stated what they wanted. They were like, Oh, hey, like I'm here. Three of my friends are getting married. They don't have a lot of time right now I'm looking for someone to go to yoga class with or like, I'm new to the area I want someone to eat brunch with or someone who can show me around like that
women are much more self aware.
Clearly defined goals.
odd even thinking back to friends in college, like how they came about none of them. The first friend I made in our sorority is because like I initiated walking up to her on bid day and like I had no clue we'd still be close for years, six, seven years later, thank you it happened I picked the right person to walk up to on that day, but I had no reason to do it and it worked and I feel like it's also a necessity thing like I'm a very extroverted social person. So like if I have no friends, I will Bumble BFF Craigslist Facebook group pic talk until I can find friends but like, even though I can't see most of my friends right now I know I have people I can go to so it's hard to motivate Me to reach for new connections. But I would like to have some more adult.
That's the thing.
I'd like to meet more people. I mean, frankly, I
I Think the one good thing about quarantine is that everyone's going to want to meet more people. So true.
I think when everything does open up again, everyone's going to be so eager for human attention and human connection that everyone's its orientation freshman year, when everyone's just so excited to meet everybody and see other people, I think we'll have more opportunity for friendships, or people just being more open to having conversations with strangers.
Really, though, like one of my friends, she's so good at that she makes friends everywhere we go, like we went to this pool party two years ago now forever ago. And I think we came with two people. And we left with four more people. And she still talks to some of them regularly. And we actually found out too that two of them actually went to our college. She was trying to figure it out. She's like, don't even know you from somewhere. You look so familiar. And it turns out that they were so i don't think i overlapped with them. But they were seniors when she was a freshman. And so yeah, like,
what does she drink or eat? Or use on her skin? What What do I need to do to get that trait?
I don't know. Believe me, I've tried to figure it out. Everywhere we go. She makes new friends.
I'm actually it's I think it's probably the thing that I've actually a little like jealous about from her. Some people just have that some people just have this. People want to talk to you something about your face or your energy, people just like to talk to you. I am not one of those people. And I do not pretend to know how those people functions. The
only thing about my face and when it communicates to people is that apparently I'm trustworthy with children because on three separate instances, people have left small children with me without asking me without asking my name asking what I was doing there. Like one time I was sitting on a bench outside of a restaurant waiting for friends. Oh, and this man left his son's with me and was like, also one of the kids had a broken leg. He sat them down. I was like, okay, boys, like this nice lady here is going to watch you while I go get the car and then he just walked away. Oh dear Lord. He was gone for like 20 minutes to like, he didn't know who I was where I was going how long I was gonna be there. I could have snatched his kids. I could have let someone else snatches kids maybe I was deaf. And I didn't hear him because he did not address me at all. Like I wouldn't have known unless I heard him and I looked up but I was like, Wait, what?
I wish I was the friend who were getting brunch with I'd see you just waiting with these kids. And on our tables, right? It's like, well, Angela, babysit these strangers children.
Yep, that's right. Like 20 minutes is a long time too. So after about 10 minutes, I Hey, guys, like do you do you have your dad's phone number? Do you want to call him like See, see what's up and they wouldn't talk to me. They just said stranger danger. And I was like, okay, that's totally fair. You don't you know,
they said stranger danger.
Yeah, I was like, that's fair.
know that. Huh? Wow, my face is scared or bitch depending on who you ask. Yeah, I've got
the RBF I'm now going to take this in a completely different direction. Allie, have you ever considered being in a tick tock production?
Oh, I was like, Are you filming? Oh my. So I know that these have probably been around for a while. We talked about the bridgerton musical and I've since heard about the Ratatouille musical and other things that are happening on Tick Tock but now that it's finally hit a base that really like hits home for me I'm interested I found something called the loyal and most ancient House of Black which is a Harry Potter Tick Tock series all about the black family so it's like Sirius has older cousins like our sister and Andromeda and Lucius Malfoy all while their kids at Hogwarts would you ever be a part of something like this? And if you could, what would you put together?
What would I what would my Tiktok production be likely be something Doctor Who related I would have some sort of a doctor who musical production and now that I thought of it what do we have a TARDIS I have several Sonic screwdrivers somewhere on this apartment.
And you have Steph Curry.
I do have Steph Curry he's he exists somewhere he were like in the process of moving and so Steph keeps getting moved around to different rooms and just out of the corner of the eye he's been scaring the absolute shit out of me you round a corner and there's a six foot four man that isn't supposed to be there.
Oh no I'm
How's Scout react to Steph Curry?
She she's pretty indifferent about him. She I think she knows and is aware that it's cardboard but apparently me rounded a corner cannot make a distinction. It's good to stick in an app.
Oh as like cheese a year Bucky looking reflective back it can be if you could want give yourself one tip piece of advice insight into where you are now may have graduation or you are going to make this what would that piece of advice be? That was a question in mendola question, but that was a question.
Unknown Speaker 49:53
What advice would I give to myself may 2015. Right before graduation.
It's not a rush. You don't have to take The first job that you get, you don't have to going in a career that isn't going to serve you. And be honest with yourself about what you want. regardless of if it's scary, or what other people think or or any of that. Be honest with yourself about what you want and allow yourself to go after the things that you want in serve you as it's your life.
All that up, Angela, I know that's gonna be a hard one. Let's see if I had to give myself advice, May of 26, May of 2016, take the year off, don't feel pressured to just take any job or get a job because it's what other people expect you to do. If you're not ready, take some time and figure out why you feel like you're not ready and see what you need to do to get to that place. Whether it is more school, liking a class, working with a recruiter or a service to get you a little bit more introduced into the reality of what the job market is like. And then once you find a job that you like, stick with it, don't let yourself be compromised by the idea of what other people think that you should do, or the type of security that it will give you and take out the trash.
I would tell myself, and I think this still applies to all young, particularly females graduating men apply to jobs, if they meet 60% of the qualifications, women about 90 to 90, something like that. So just apply to things that you think you're capable of. Because I know that was something that when I found out that shocked me,
oh my god, yes, I worked at a my first job in LA with a staffing agency. And their job was literally like entry level admin jobs. And a lot of these jobs, the postings were like need five years of experience in this specific role or in this specific industry or whatnot, and I can get a college course would never apply to those things. Because I don't have five years experience in that and maybe have a year of experience in an internship but they want five years that I don't fit that and it's in working at the staffing agency, you're like, No, no, no, you don't actually have to have that. These are like this is like a wish list. If you think you're good for just apply for it
insane. Really, though, and even some of the people who are doing the staffing, I feel like they fall into that role as well. It's like we had a temp in our office. She was only there for four days. And then I found out like a few weeks later, she started a job at a company in the building next to us. So I ran into her during lunch. She's like, Oh my god, she's like, seriously, she's like, get out of your job and come work where I work. She's like, I literally have no clue what I'm doing. And they're paying me six figures. I was like, What How is this possible? But it happens.
I mean, did you?
I did not where we're still work neighbors, though. So maybe maybe that's a connection I have to use one day. Jeff, do you have final questions for add? I
have any questions this whole time? I don't even I can't even tell you what I said the last.
I know I couldn't tell you at all what any of this conversation has been.
I think that's just something that happens frequently. We record and we black out and then we don't really remember what happens until we listen to it after
sir i think i think it was pretty good. I think we got some good stuff.
The the youths will be entertained.
Thank goodness. They just need some more entertainment. Ali, thank you for coming on.
Thank you for having me.
Thank you. Come back anytime
We're doing a full month devoted to Greek life. And we're picking out our guests for each week of it. Okay, great. Yeah,
just let me know.
And on that note, thank you so much for listening to this episode of in Omnia paratus. Grab your coffee bowl. And don't forget to rate download and follow on Apple Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you so much to Allie for joining us today. We're so happy to have you and please come back and join us again. And to all of you seniors as well. Congratulations on graduation and know that we're here for you anytime because we know it might get a little rough out there. So we've got your tips, tricks and support. Bye
Sign up to receive email updates
Enter your name and email address below and I'll send you periodic updates about the podcast.